Hey Fella! #2 - Time To Get Guilty



It's time to get guilty.

Try this, my fellow soft-hearted beloved friends and readers.

Let's see, there are two youtube links. But wait, don't view it yet, read the instructions below first.


VIDEO ONE





VIDEO TWO




Instructions to get the most perfect guilty feelings.
  1. Watch Video One until the minute 0:32, pause it and mute.
  2. Click and play Video Two and go back to Video One and unpause it. *note : Video One is in mute and started playing from the minute 0:32


Now. Report back in, motherfuckers!









P/s : Burn in hell.

Credit to




Sampah #11 - Bosan


....



Aku bosan-lah.

Tiba-tiba aku terasa macam nak cari gaduh lagi.




P/s : Exam

You Laugh You Lose #5





Wazzzzzaaapppp!!





Yeah, guys. It's exam week for most of us in Japan, so why not we loosen it up a bit? And hell fukken yeah, you laugh, you lose, bitches.

Here goes.
















And last but not least, it's about the story of a /b/ in 4chan.org user posting a thread in that forum. Well, this might be offensive because it contains nude images, so, sapa nak tengok, tengok, sapa tak nak tengok scroll laju-laju, saya dah kasi tahu awal-awal.





Yeap, it went just fine. How did you go? :">

Thanks for viewing. And off I go.




P/s : I did it for t3h LULz.

Picture credits to 4chan

Brix #7 - Tahi = Poop







WARNING : NOT WORTH IT. PLEASE STOP READING WHILE YOU CAN. THIS IS A CRAP ENTRY.


I went to the toilet just now to take a shit. And while taking that massive shit, instead of making natural faces like





I suddenly remembered one interesting thing about poop types and its definitions that I once read the other day.

And because of that, I spent all my time in the toilet thinking about random thoughts about poops.

Yeah, you know, I never did attend biology classes back in school. I take engineering courses instead. :">

Like for instance, what actually is poop made of? According to teh internet, about 3/4 of your average shit is made out of water. Just like the earth, 3/4 is made out of water, and another quarter is uh.. well, soil. Chocolate soil. Chocolate smelly shit. Get it?

And the remaining portion of the shit, about 1/3 is composed of dead bacteria. Another 1/3 is made out of stuff that we find indigestible, like cellulose, for instance. And another example, like those coins you accidentally swallowed when you were a child back then. And your parents were fukken worried about your stomach as that coin is actually heavy and made out of metal, but luckily when the shit day comes, it would just come out from your rectum and fall into your toilet and "PLUP!" Yela, sebab tahi ko ada syiling kan. Berat pulak tu.

Obviously, I'm not talking about my own experience, am I? Fuck. :">




Back to business, and the last 1/3 is, mixture of fats, like cholesterol. That's why we need to shit. If we don't shit, we'd end up being obese. And I just made that up.

And guys, I've always wondered, why does poop stinks and why is it brown-coloured?

And actually, poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Bacteria produces smelly shits and they are the same compounds that gave your farts their odor.




And why is poop brown? I mean like back when I was younger, I often hear I dunno what should I call them, myths or anything but they say when you shit colour is green, it means that you are just born. And if you shit colour is black, well, your clock is ticking. Get religious, dude.

Teehee I dunno guys. I don't find everything about science is fappable. All I know everything in this world when it comes to colours, it's all just about pigments. Now what the hell is pigment? I don't fukken know. Malas nak mengkaji.

And speaking about poops, for you newfags' information, in this world there actually is kind of people whom finds poop or crap sexually arousing themselves. And they even eat it like an ice cream, like in the video Two Girls One Cup.

Or even worse to imagine, you all know spaghetti meatballs right? I've once read and saw the picture of a wife who's eating that shit pasta made out of her husband's shit. OOHH, sounds delicious and sexy, ain't that fukken right?

Tah mana tah aku baca. Lupa link. Sorry tak leh nak share. Kalau share pon, macam la korang nak baca.

Hell no. Of course you'd read it. You guys are just fukken curious to know just like me. Go fuck yourselves :">




So, let's get back to our shit entry. And here comes the definition of poop types.

Enjoy!


GHOST Poop: The kind where you feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.

CLEAN Poop: The kind where you poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the paper when you wipe off your asshole.

SATISFYING Poop: The kind where once you're done, you feel as though you've lost fifty pounds. You leave with a sense of accomplishment.

WET Poop: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.

DECEPTIVE Poop: The kind where you feel like you're about to shit a torpedo, but it turns out to be CORN poop. [CORN poop definition later]

SECOND WAVE Poop: This happens when you're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poop some more.

POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-Poop: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG Poop: The kind of poop that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY Poop: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot giggles.

DRINKER Poop: The kind of poop you have the morning after a night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN Poop: (Self-explanatory)

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-Poop-Poop: The kind where you want to Poop, but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP Poop: This is when it hurts so badly coming out you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS Poop: (Also known as "The Power Dump", or "The Cannonball"). The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

LIQUID Poop: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Khan's Revenge: (Also known as "Indiandigestion") You ate out at a Indian restaurant and were a hero on the Kari department because you ordered a set of extremely hot and spicy kari. You may have gained the respect of your buddies, but there's a price to pay: an extremely unsatisfied feeling after pooping , and flaming butt cheeks for a day.

UPPER-CLASS Poop: The kind of Poop that has no odor.

THE SURPRISE Poop: You are not at the toilet because you think you are about to fart but... Oops... A sneaky Poop flies out.

DANGLING Poop: This Poop refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Pooping it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.





It's just fun to understand more about poop. Which makes you people would have another way to communicate with your buddies, nasty topics, but in a fun and interesting way.

You : Hey, dude. Guess what? I just had a GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-Poop-Poop in the toilet.

Samad : What the..?? YOU DID NOT!!



Ain't that fun?

Aku dah cakap, ini entry tahi. It's too late for you guys to go





P/s : Shit out, shit in.

Reference to EncyclopediaDramatica.

Sampah #10 - Elevator


I was browsing through the internet and found a list I've read before about fun things to do when you're in the elevator.

Which made me thinking, elevator is just the perfect spot for you to act shit to strangers, am I right? And fuck yeah, I have my moments when I kinda pissed off to other passengers.

Like when back in UM, everyday I would use the elevator in the hostel to get to my room in the 5th floor. And from there, I tend to observe people from how they use the elevator and judge them [siap maki-maki lagi] when their actions were kinda rude to others.

Which made me would go like gelak-gelak "haha haha" la at first, but seriously, dude...





And since this topic came up, I'm gonna have my own shitlist added with some other stuffs that I hate.

Here goes. What number were we last time? 35th. Yeap, and here goes the 36th and so on.




SHITLIST


36] Bile naik lif nak naik sampai tingkat 5-6, tapi ada penumpang lain lambat sikit masuk then tengok-tengok dia turun kat tingkat 2.

37] Bile tengah dok struggle lari-lari dari jauh nak masuk lif, tapi selambaaa je orang dalam lif tutup pintu lif walaupon dia sedar aku tengah dok lari.


Aku tiba-tiba teringat Jera. Tah dengar-dengar cite, bukan setakat die bia pintu lif tutup, kite tengah dok lari nak kejar lif die leh tunjuk middle fucking finger lagi sambil pelan-pelan pintu lif tutup. HA HA kemak ko Jera.






38] Bile lif nampak sangat penuh nak lagi struggle join masuk.

39] Bile kita baik hati tunggu orang dari jauh lari-lari nak masuk lif tapi last-last tak jadi pulak die nak masuk.

40] Bile lif nampak macam boleh muat lagi, tapi try masuk, berbunyi. Pastu kena bahan overweight.




C'mon la. I feel like putting my asshole right in front of their faces and directly give a big blast of fart right up their nose. Or showing off my balls to them would be another cool option, though.





****



Kk five points is enough I guess. And here comes the fun part about things to do in an elevator. Lawak pulak bila baca balik.

So let's proceed. :">



Try it! :D :D



Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator


1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.




Ehehe Ehehe :">





P/s : Kang abes la duitt aku belanja orang Thai Food ni kanggg. Adoii laaaa :( Teehee

Sampah #19 - 100th Entry



Fact 1 = I've been writing since 22nd March 2010 until now, so it must have been er.. 118 days? Yes, 118 days. Phew!

Fact 2 = I've been writing about shits since then. Mostly about rants and trolling sessions which frankly, I don't give a fuck. All for the LULz.

Fact 3 = I have 59 followers and 14800 hits in my blog from you readers. Looks like people like you are actually appreciating my writings. Even though it's just rated shit and not worth it for your mental.

Fact 4 = I've only changed my blog layout twice. First one was gayish pink, second was blue and the third is this layout.

Fact 5 = Highest hits in one day was 1003 views.

Fact 6 = For certain times, I tend to enjoy every moments of butthurts out there. Sorry guys, but it's just fun.






Fact 7 = I am now officially stuck into blogging. Tapi dah bosan menulis sebenarnya. Tapi kalau bosan sangat kalau tak menulis tak best jugak. Tapi tu la. Hmm.


*****




Ah pedulikan semua facts ini. I was gonna push my brains out to think what other interesting facts about this blog, but nahh. I'm done.

Yang aku tau, ini entry ke-100. Thanks to you guys for reading.





P/s : Coolness is the key, fellas.

Brix #6 - Ke'malu'an Malaysia Terhadap Seks Dan Realiti

It's 5.00AM in the morning but heck, I'm still gonna write an entry anyway. This is actually another entry related to Malaysian and sex. Like in my previous entry.

Yes, and our topic today is about Ke'malu'an Malaysia Terhadap Seks Dan Realiti. Wouldn't want to write "kemaluan", because it sounded quite rude, ain't it? So, "ke'malu'an" is better instead.



DAN





Because what I'm referring to is about our shyness and all. Yeah, you know us Asians, well known as the shy type of people in this world, compared to those Caucasians and Niggers with their big dicks and all.

And because of our shyness, well, I'm not suggesting that those elements aren't good enough for us, but sadly, the reality doesn't suit well to it. I mean, come to think of it, read the news, and everything in it, and when it comes to sex related news or articles, like any other races in this world, we Malaysian also would get fukken horny and enjoice every second reading it.


Rehat jap.


So, easier to say, c'mon dudes, we're no different than others, sex related matters is indeed awesome, and the reality is, yeap, we're no different. As a human, we enjoice these matters. But, what differs a person from another is our opinion about it.

Yeap, my point is about from the religion side of thinking. Fortunately, I was born Muslim and I'm grateful for being a Muslim, and because of this way of life, I made myself clear that I won't have sex before getting married. Tapi tengok la dulu, kot-kot ada rezeki ke nanti. Hm2. We never know, right? :">

Just kidding, dudes.

Anyway, you get my point, right?

And what I think about our people right now is they are being conservative. Yeap, old-fashion. Sex related matters were too forbidden to talk about until when it comes to the right moment with the perfect mood, there you go enjoicing those moments like there's no tomorrow.

I mean, sex related matters aren't always about fucking or penetration and moaning around, and yes, I know, sometimes I joke about it just for fun :"> Sebab ketidakbiasaan dan ketidak-open-minded-an tu yang buat kita jadi begini.

Yela, selama ni dok tahan-tahan je kan, even nak sebut apa-apa berkaitan seks secara public pon tak sanggup, malu katanya. Tapi, sekali dah dapat, amek ang kes rogol, buang bayi blablabla and shits.

It's all about mindset. I'm not saying mine is perfect, but at least, I could say that I'm a reasonable man, even with sex, hell yeah I am! :">

Come on, guys. You don't agree with me, you're much obliged to bash me with every point you have. But seriously, just for the sake of LULz, read this.


Pantang tengok kaki wanita.

SAYA berusia awal 20-an dan sangat mudah terangsang apabila melihat kaki wanita, lebih-lebih lagi yang cantik dan gebu.

Saya mengalami perasaan ini sejak sebelum akil baligh lagi. Namun saya tetap terangsang dengan alat sulit wanita yang lain. Adakah ini perkara yang ganjil atau kelebihan buat saya?

JEJAKA KELIRU, Johor Bahru, Johor




Syukur, anda mempunyai minat kepada perempuan dan anda mudah terangsang dengan kaki perempuan. Jadi, daripada aspek tubuh badan wanita yang sangat mengghairahkan anda, anda memilih kaki wanita yang gebu dan cantik, maka anda dikategorikan sebagai ‘leg man’.

Untuk lelaki lain yang sangat teruja dengan payudara, mereka digelar ‘breast man’ dan lelaki yang teruja dengan punggung perempuan digelar ‘buttocks man’.

Ada situasi yang mana lelaki itu hanya dapat klimaks dengan menyentuh kaki perempuan dan mereka dikatakan mengalami ‘fetishes’ kepada kaki perempuan.


Maksud saya, lelaki itu dapat mencapai ereksi dan klimaks apabila menyentuh dan meraba kaki perempuan. Anda pula hanya teruja dengan melihat kaki perempuan. Itu bukan ganjil dan ia pilihan sanubari anda daripada aspek perasaan syahwat anda.


sos

****


Yeah, and I'd say What. The. Fuck.

I dunno whether or not this kinda stupid person actually exist for pointing out a question like these, but fuck it, I'm ranting about it anyways.

Geez, you're asking about those things, and you feel weird about it, and I'd say you're old enough to be thinking wisely because you're in your early 20s, yet you feel yourself special for having such "kelebihan" like those. WTF man.

I'd say godaiplz. Aku paham rasa ganjil tengok kaki perempuan pon boleh stim, tapi... ADOI laa. Ko soranggggg laaa ada kelebihan tu.

I dunno guys, I don't want to explain more about why I find this Q&A kinda annoying yet laughable, but seriously? Fuck that guy. Dan orang-orang lain yang macam tu jugak. Takkan itu pon tak tau sial. Hadoiii la.

But thanks to the doktor tuan, for answering that question without any doubt and hesitation. Yes, we do need these doctors to answer those kinda questions. Kesian dia.


Fuh Fuh


Well, enough of this Q&A session, let's get back to our main topic.

The more I think about this shit, the more I have the feeling to bash. Tapi, tahan-tahan je la, because I wouldn't want to cross the line anymore.

Just facts would be more than enough I suppose. So here goes.

Did you know that Malaysia is the 7th HORNIEST country in the world? Based on an article from Askmen.com, it really proves this fact. And yeap, it's from the internet so it must be fukken true.

No, seriously, I take this one as the truth this time. :">

Here, read this.

No. 7 - MALAYSIA

In public, this country definitely appears conservative. For example, there was a recent controversy over whether sex education should be taught in high school or not -- not exactly sexually liberated. However, behind closed doors lies (pun totally intended) the real story: Malaysians are swinging from the bedposts, and loving every minute of it. Occasionally we'll get a glimpse of it - like when Malaysia's Minister of Health was forced to step down after his homemade sex tapes made the rounds in January of 2008.

Horny hangouts: In Kuala Lumpur, check out these bars and clubs for a straightforward party: Aloha, Poppy Bar or the Rum Jungle. To “choose your own adventure” visit the Beach Club where there’s a good chance a girl comes at a price, but she'll be worth every penny.

sos



So, think about it. I'm not saying that from now on, you are much welcomed to be talking about sex everytime, but, er.. Yes, that's actually what I'm saying.

Nah, I keed.

It's all about mind set and mentality, guys. Kita benci lihat kes-kes buang bayi dan kes-kes rogol, but we never understood that those matters are just because of the low level mind set our people have.

Dah la banyak .3gp. See? We Malaysians just love sex like any other human.



So, ramai-ramai lah buka minda, and eventually, there would be no more cases like those. I hope.

And just for the LULz again, guys, please take a peek into this link. Look how much fun these young parents-to-be fellas have, talking about sex-related issues secara open.



Click to enlarge


Inilah yang kita mahu! I read this forum, and I kinda have a boner. :">

Natural.

P/s : Okay, okayy, so I'm the jerk right now?

Childhood #1 - Awesomeness





This kid's drawing meant a lot to me. I mean look how she drew it. Full of passion. And she really deserves an A+ from her teacher. Way to go, kiddo and may we move on with our life! :)






P/s : Yeah, I'm being romantic.

Racist #2 - The Typical Malay Talk








As all of you Malay readers know, we Malays have our own punchline way of talking that everyone of us would fukken hate to hear it from others but still would use it to protect our own issues every once in a while.

Hell yeah, I'm using it, too. But not like everytime I meet some situations which need a talk like that. Yeap, I'm trying my best not to.

And these talks are just so fukken awesome, that you'd shit bricks and shut up, knowing that there's no other word to point out to object that certain talk from your 'enemy' instead of

"Typical Malay, always using those kinda words.."

C'mon Zed, cut the crap and just tell us what the hell are the words you're talking about right now?

Yeah, right, I'll get to my point.

But lemme explain first. As a shit blogger who literally writes shit entries about bashing people without thinking, I tend to receive comments in my blog or messages in my Facebook Inbox from people who were really having butthurts upon reading them. So from there, I observe their words and sentence, and sedikit demi sedikit aku naik menyampah. Is that all you got? Teehee. And there goes my satanic actions to troll them back, make them raging even more.


Sigh


We Malays as we know it, are one kinda unique yet the most powerful race in the world who are having some problems of controlling our jealousy not only towards another, but Fuck, towards EACH other also. Plus the over-sensitivity issues. And I'm not gonna bash my own race from beginning to end in this shit entry, because those are the shits that everyone knows, right?

It's just annoying to hear it. Which makes you feel like fukken miserable, even for the fact that you're not as it was said. And I'd go like feeling bad, you know, I feel bad to the person who says these kinda shits. Kesian dorang.




But instead, I'm gonna point out one thing that's kinda cool to share until now. [Er, do you?] And even you've heard or realized of it before, just STFU and GTFO.

Here, hear this out.


1. The "Mentang-mentang" Talk.

*could also be used as "Tau la.."

Example :-
  • "Mentang-mentang dia hensem, leh pulak cakap kakak aku stim tengok dia."
  • "Mentang-mentang belajar tinggi, dia ingat boleh senang-senang la hidup?"
  • "Tau laaa kaya, tapi jangan la kedekut gila babi."

Yeah, you know it, I know it. And I've just noticed this thing when I was writing this entry the other day. Which made me thinking, fuck, I've received tonnes of bash points from readers like this through out the time when I've first started writing since then.

But this time, I'm not gonna write this certain matter like I'm no wayyyy in hell like one of you, well, I mean, not using it. I'm just like all of you, who would use this kinda phrase at times like

  • You feel offended and jealous when someone talks or acts like he's way much better than you personally.
  • You hated that person.
True shit, right?


STFU will ya?


2. The "Dia boleh laaa, dia macam tu..." Talk


Example :-

  • "Dorang boleh laaa, dorang senang je siapkan kerja tu cepat-cepat, dorang ada buku tu"
  • "Ko boleh laaaa, ko senang je lupa, ko jauh, cuba aku, aku dekat macam ni, susahhh."
  • "Lu boleh laaa, senang-senang je cakap camtu, lu banyak duit"
Yeah, don't gimme that look. It's fukken true.

And the reasons you're using that phrase is because

  • You feel offended and jealous when someone talks or acts like he's way much better than you personally.
  • You hated that person.
Yeap, same reason as before.


3. The "Kot ye pon....Tak payah la...." Talk

Example :-

  • "Ko kot ye pon tak puas hati pon, tak payah la tulis benda-benda bodoh dalam blog bai"
  • "Kot ye pon dorang rasa macam tu, jangan la kemak sangat nak wat perangai sial macam tu"
  • "Lu kot ye pon kalau rasa kitorang ni hina, tak payah la nak main-mainkan"
Sebab penggunaan

  • Tidak puas hati dengan action yang dilakukan pihak musuh.
  • You hate them.

This method is good untuk tegur-tegur orang mana-mana ada salah apa-apa pon kan, but one thing I hate about this thing is that, the talker usually have bad assumptions to the person they hate about.

Like when I'm making fun of us Malays in this entry, it's not what you think it is, you dumbasses. Heck, I don't even give a shit about it. Just writing an entry, fellas.


4. The "Mak-bapak tak ajar ke..." Talk

Now this is another thing that clearly make me thinks that you've got some problems within yourself to point out some matters that are fukken out of topic when arguing with others.

Why in the fuck would parents has gotta do with these kinda things? Get your mind straight, and suggesting these matters won't do it any good, instead of making me think how low the way you think and no respect you have to others.

I don't judge others by looking into their parents, but I judge people by the way they talk. And I know, I'm such a douche bag for showing to all of you how fukken bad I could be with my language and all. Well, that doesn't matter, because I ain't giving any shit. Life in the internet and real life are just two different world, and I won't assume that all of you know me well, because that won't fukken happen.


Yeap, an gay emofag indeed.


*******


And I think, that's all for now.


Don't tell me you've been living in this world for more than 20 years but not even once ever heard of this phrase being said by some emofag friend of yours. Seriously, if you haven't heard of it, fuck you, you probably were being born deaf or you don't fukken socialize with other people at all.

And yeah, guys, I know. It's really fun to go uttering those words to let others realize that it's not good for them to behaving that way, you know, just to make you feel better, whatever makes you happy. But don't any of you guys think that that phrase, yeah, actually it does make us feel better, but beyond it, it shows us how weak we are? How low self-esteem we are?

So, let's change ourselves, so that our forefathers would be proud of us :)




P/s : Macam la aku bagus sangat. <-- ha ni lagi satu contoh.

Life #18 - The Television





Random picture, nothing related



When I was a kid back then, like other children, I was really some kind of a TV freak and I really loved watching cartoons at those times. Even at times when I was watching the TV with my mom and we were watching Maria Mercedes and when the commercials were on air, she would just randomly switched to other channels with her remote control. [sambil uli kuih keria, God, I miss you, Mom!]

And if by any chance other channels would have just happened to show some cartoon stuffs [or even cartoon commercials!], I would freak out a bit and insist her to stay on that channel and then end up sulking for like the whole day because she would never do it.

You see, when watching TV with your children, and suddenly some cartoons pops out would be the last thing you would want to see when you're enjoying your TV programs. Because, normal kids will be just like me, mula la nak paksa-paksa nak jugak tengok natang tu dan menangis sana sini just sebab mak sendiri 'khianat' tak nak kasi anak tengok kartun.

Yeah, that's me. 12++ years ago. I was really enjoying the television back then.

Teehee ni kali kedua upload pic ni :">


And I used to remember how furious my mom gets everytime she caught me watching cartoons on the telly for more than 90 minutes time Sabtu Ahad punya pagi-pagi. Yeah, you know those times. All that imagination and such for watching cartoons are just the happiest moments in your life as a sweet cute innocent little child. Tapi tak boleh tengok lama-lama. Awww :(

And now, when you have a little brother or sister, every Sunday morning when you've noticed them watching the cartoons with those faces,




kalau boleh nak dekat-dekat abes dengan TV tu, dan remote control pon kat sebelah tangan tak nak langsung kasi peluang kat orang lain tengok channel lain, you just can't help yourself to go like

"Awwwww, look at them. :"> So fukken stupidinnocent and dumbsweet. Just like me when I was a child :)"


Yeah, I feel it that way. Because actually I'm a sweet person :"> and I love my little brother and sister.

And this another thing suddenly came to my mind, I don't know about you guys, but my family has this er, quite some ground rules about watching the TV.


1. No watching the TV for more than 90 minutes [like I've stated before]

Yeah, ain't that sucks? Actually takde lah betol-betol ada setting 90 minutes tu, I just made that up. Senang kata bila mak abah aku terasa macam dah lama sangat aku tengok tv, mula la dorang bising. And because of this rule, I've never had the chance to watch any movie when I was a child. Because all the movies in the TVs are like 2-hours long, and pencapaian paling baik aku rasa pon just sampai klimaks movie je. And then kena paksa baca buku. WTF.



2. No watching the TV at 7.00PM-8.30PM everyday. [for respecting the Maghrib prayer]

This is kinda good rule for a good Muslim family, and even though I'm not the best Muslim ever, I will try my best and I'm not gonna let my son or daughter to watch the TV at this times, either. :)



3. No watching the TV at midnight. Wajib tidur sebaik sahaja pukul 11 datang menjelma. [even at weekends]

Yeap, even at weekends. Tapi parents aku pon takde lah strict gila babi tak hengat. Ada la kadang-kadang tu dah nak pukul 12 baru bising-bising.

And I remember one time, Terminator II was on the TV and it was like fukken awesome, yela budak-budak baru kenal dunia tengok movie mantap macam tu kan, but when the clock ticks at twelve, the fukken NIGHTLINE would pop out and ruins the entire mood on watching the fukken movie and last-last, kena paksa tidur, without knowing how that fukken cool movie could have end.

You know how fucked-up it feels? Spending your life not knowing the ending of Terminator II? Sampai la masa abang aku ke akak aku kenal dunia internet dan mula download cite tu dalam format .avi and when I get the chance to watch the holy secret ending, I was like,

"Ooooo, macam ni ke ending die. Hurmmm, aku dah takde mood lah nak tengok."


You see? The rules ruined it. And fuck Terminator II, the movie sucks BTW /sarcasm.

Same goes to Titanic. Geez.



4. No watching the TV in front of guests.

Well, this is obvious, right? Who watches the TV in front of guests? Because, you know, the TV in my parents' house was placed in the living room, so it would be so fukken rude as a child to go watch the TV while your dad was having a conversation with his guests.


***


Hmmm, 4 rules that I could think of for now.

Yeah, ain't that awesome? <-- This is not sarcasm. It was awesome, because of that rule, my parents taught me how to control myself [yeah, even though I can't right now. :"> ] because everything you do, you don't do it like everytime right?

And because of all of those shits, I've become like the anti-TV guy. Yes, dudes, since I've managed to further my studies to junior high school in a boarding school [SERATAS], sedikit demi sedikit, I've turned into that guy and now, I don't fukken watch the fukken television. At all. Seriously.

**Sikit-sikit tu ada la, tengok berita ke, lepak-lepak dengan family sometimes.

Jadi, aku akan kadang-kadang ketinggalan sikit la kalau-kalau bab-bab iklan member sekolah asrama dulu wat lawak aku akan blur-blur sket, sebab aku tak tengok TV kat rumah. Dah jadi malas. Salahkan mak abah aku. Dorang la yang wat macam-macam peraturan sampai aku hilang minat nak tengok TV. Wakaka.

Yeah, come to think of it, when I was a child, I get scolded a lot for watching the TV too much, but nowadays, when I'm bigger, aku siap pernah kena marah lagi dengan mak abah aku sebab tak tengok TV langsung. Tak tau tak tau, salah dorang salah dorang.



Nahh, actually, since I have my own external hard disk and a laptop, I tend to forget everything about the television. It's like the TV never existed in my life. :">

Because you know what I hate the most about watching TVs?

The commercials. Yeah, fuck them.

Been watching a movie or a TV show on the TV and after all those build-up process and here comes all the answers to the fukken suspense element in those shows, but wait, whaaaa...?



[Holy shit, this is the only commercial I could think of for now]


.....


FUCK.


And that's why I love my laptop and the internet and I couldn't live a day without it.


P/s : I miss Malaysia, God damn it.