It was somewhere in the future, when I was having bedtime stories with my kid.
"This story happened quite some time ago, when I was little. Pretty much when you guys were small or weren't even born yet. Maybe it's a dream or some place where me and my subconscious is playing with each other. And now I've just remembered how it actually went, so it's time for story telling.
It all started out of nowhere. Suddenly I was at this dark cave with hundreds of other dudes and chicks. We were all running towards something deep inside that cave. God, how dark and wet it was at that time. I don't even have an idea on what was I doing in there at the first place.
So I figured out, these guys might be running from something. Then I became scared, too. I guess. So out of other I asked this one dude, while running next to him.
Me : Yo, man! What the hell are you and these other guys running from?
Dude : Don't "Yo, man!" me, dumbass. I'm not even a guy.
Me : Wait, what? You look pretty much like a dude to me, though. That's why I approached ya. Cause' I'm a dude, too, and I'm quite shy to talk to that cute lil' chick over there. :">
Dude : Yeah, yeah, anything you say, I ain't buying shit. You're not a dude, neither. I'm gonna win. So, see ya.
Then he immediately started accelerating his speed in running leaving me behind. I was like WTF? He's not a guy. He looked pretty much like a guy to me. Except for the fact that I'm more awesome than he is, fuck yeah.
And he said I'm not a guy, too. Damn it, how dare he undermine me with all this sexual problem matter? He doesn't even have the idea of how big my penis could be. And I put my hands to my crotch to see how huge it is right now, you know, just to make myself feel better, but..
Why don't I feel anything?
OMG, where's my fucking dick? Where the fuck did it.... Holy crap, that guy.. No, that person's telling the truth!
And with this mindfuck idea I suddenly had, it made the situation become weirder. What is this? Looked like a fucking dream to me. Sure one hell of a weird-ass dream.
Nahh, nevermind. I'm running as well. I'm gonna find that dude-person and ask him all about this shit.
So I started sprinting. Leaving all the slow motherfuckers behind. God how slow they were. Fuck them, you suck bitches!
And I suddenly realized, of how beautifully fast I was. Everyone beside me looked like a scene from the Smallville series when Clark Kent sees everything so awfully fast left behind everytime he moves his ass to save the girl of his dreams.
God, I'm Superman! How cool is that?! :D
Where and what the fuck I am right now?
That question keep replaying itself in my head as I heroicly [Is there even a word?] ran fast enough until I finally get to see the dude I was talking with back then. And as awesome as hell, I ran next to him and poke him on the shoulder going all like...
Me : 'sup.
And his reaction was awfully shocked by my sudden appearance next to him. He thought he was winning this marathon.
Wait a minute.
Is this a marathon? Is this what this all about? If it is, holy fuck I am so gonna win this. I can't lose any competition! It's not me if I did lose.
Me : Hey dude. Look who's rocking now. :) See ya.
And I immediately left him behind. just like he did to me. But this time, I showed my middle finger while running backwards, leaving him behind looking disappointed and all. Poor little bastard.
And hey, guess what? There actually was no one anymore in front of me. I am surely as hell winning this marathon. God, how badass I was at this point. Those fuckers are all losers. Hell yeah.
And suddenly I reached this point where I assume something is waiting at the finish line. Something big and huge. Something sphere-shaped. It was all very beautiful and looking at how amazing the scenery was, I kept on running as hard as I could towards the big ball of fame and glory.
I dunno, I've already reached the main entrance of that big ball. Okay, fuck, now it's a God damn building alright. A round building. But still, with my eyes I can see the view of the finishing line but it seems too far away. So I kept running like about an hour or so, until at some point I actually get there.
The moment I got there, I thought there was gonna be some crowd cheering at me going all like "We love you, bro! Good job!" I mean, it's a marathon, right?
But it all went wrong. There was this something from the centre of that ball-shaped building getting at me and weirdly, they were absorbing me into some kind of transformation.
And I was like......"
"Sigh." My daughter's sigh suddenly caught my attention.
"Cut the crap, dad. I know this is the story of how you went out from grandpa's penis and get to the ovum of grandma. And nine months later, you got out of her belly looking hot as hell with your newly made penis. I'm nine, dad. I have sex education in school. I know all this stuff," said Natasha, my smart, beautiful princess.
[Now that is some random name I got for this entry, now don't get mad at me, cause for sure we're gonna have our own talk about our daughter's name, okay my-future-wife-to-be-who-ever-the-hell-you-are?]
"Great, now you've spoiled the mood. Just great. Go to bed." I murmured, feeling enough disgraceful of myself for not having the chance to make my own daughter going all like WOAAAAAAAHHH with that awesome story of mine just because their days of school will be having sex education at class. Damn it!
Geez, it's been a long night. Might as well, I get to bed, too. YAWNNNNN.
"Hey, dad." Natasha whispered, as I went out of her bedroom.
"Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you."
P/s : Happy Birthday and may God bless you, Zaid. A day earlier to wish, but hey, it's a lie, anyways. Happy dying.