Sexist #11 - Keunikan Wanita

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Women are unique. Yes, they are. Doesn't it sometimes crosses our straight male minds about how attractive their body really is to us? Those curvy little piece of booty behind their back and everything about their body is just - curvy. Just curvy. Damn.

And it do bothers me about why the curviness of a woman's body [is there a word?] always succeeded to suddenly make our penises turn bigger and bigger. Why does it?

I look at my round-shaped pillow all day and nothing ever happens to my penis, that's for sure. But as a lonely fuck, when I browse through the internet and "accidentally" sees a nude picture of a women, there you have it. We get excited all the time.

And end up exhausted. Huh~huh.

I've lived long enough to realize that I like wimmens' body, just the way they are. They make me happy. I believe that the curves in their body is a direct correlation with how many penises get high just looking at them naked.

C'mon ladies, don't look at me like I'm the only pervy guy in the world. At least I have the courtesy to write it down. I'm actually complimenting you.

You see, I get it why God created the Vagina. It's a hole, and that hole will be matched with the Penis from us guys. That, to me, made a perfect match. A hole and a stick? Look how creative our God is. And from every pair of Vaginas and Penises, after the sexual intercourse, another human being will be born from it.

But what I don't get is, the breasts these women have. Why do they have to be so curvy, round and soft? And what's their pair to us men? Our scrotum? Hurmm, that seems plausible. But geez, those breasts, man. It fucks the crap out of me.

Ladies, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but I gotta tell you something. Don't get offended, but you need to hear this out.

I uh..

I love womans' breasts the most.

There. Phew, that was easy. Thank you for backing me up guys.

You see, I appreciate them, ladies. Small or large, don't feel bad, as long as they're your own, I appreciate them. I really wish I could have a pair for myself.

Not on me, though. I'm not a freak. You know, just like a nice pair that I could carry around with me and every now and then I could just reach over to them and honking them with my hand as they would please me. It'd be nice, you know. They're fucking soft.

Kinda wish I could install them in my first car in the future where the airbags are, you know. I dunno, when I get bored, maybe I'd just drive my car around, keep crashing into stuffs all day.

Won't it be fun? I won't be scared at all about having an accident just about anytime. But instead, I'd really wish for it to happen. Everytime I'd crash something, that moment would be the moment I'd enjoy about having surprise breasts soft cushions as the safety airbags on my face.

I can do every move I love with those breasts, you know "WOBBLE-WOBBLE" "BRRRRRRRRR [sambil geleng2 kepala]". It'd be very much exciting indeed.

And that'd be worth it, you see. Instead of being scared you might be dead because of the accident, those breasts will ease your pain inside!

Hurm kapirnya ayat...

Anyways, how about you ladies? Do you wish about keeping a fake penis in your handbag? No, obviously I'm not talking about dildos or anything, that'd be personal, am I right?

Just a penis so you can squeeze the balls everytime you get mad at your boyfriend and imagine that one is his. Or the one which you can shoot white-colour acid liquid to actual perverts' eyes everytime you got mugged or sexually harassed in the streets every once in a while. Hell, you may be no longer need those lame pepper spray, you know. A fake penis is enough for your own safety. I'm just saying.

We should start a new hobby of these, you know. Let's collect fake breasts and fake penises just for fun.



P/s : "I just want you to know that this is by far the biggest mistake of your life and there's actually nothing you can do to fix it."

Credit to Russell Peters for the idea.

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Hey Fella #5 - The Reacher and The Settler

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In most relationships as we see it, we can almost judge one's purpose on the specific relationship which is as simple as it is, by clarifying and identifying which ones from the couple are the reacher and which ones are the settler.

And for most of you who haven't understood of what I'm about to write in this saja-suka-suka relationship crap, here's a simple explanation.

Say you have a friend of yours and his/her lover.

From both of them, who amongst them would you say, I dunno, would be the one who would actually make the relationship going on? Say, without his or her attention to the couple itself, the relationship would be as sour as a vinegar. Or in other words, boring. Unattractive. No future.

That would be the reacher.

Because as the word itself means, the person who's actually being the reacher is the one who are used to push and struggling to reach and see where things are going in the relationship while the other just sits there doing nothing. They are willingly to give everything it takes to keep the love of their life to always being by their side. That being said, if you ever thought of yourself being the reacher in your current relationship, don't feel bad. In relationships, human beings with emotions like us normally may have been in that situation before, which of course, most of them are caused by obvious reasons :

1. You're not hotter than your couple.

2. Your couple is still healing from a broken heart or may haven't moved on from a certain unresolved issue in their life.

3. There's just something in you which turns them [your lover] off.

4. You suck in relationships.

5. Guys/girls other than them are just out of your league.


Let's move on. So what does the settler makes in a relationship?

Nothing. Most of the time he/she just sits there watching his/her couple trying their best to make them happy. And by the word "settle" which makes a settler be a settler, is that he/she is actually settling down from all of this relationship matter. And this may be caused by certain reasons, which by my opinion, is :

1. They are way hotter than you.

2. Their lives are fucked up, so it won't bother settling down for losers like you anyway.

3. There's a certain something in you that makes them still wanna be with you, but.. You'll figure out that "but" sooner or later.

4. They have no choice.

5. Deep down inside, they might think that they would hit a hotter girl/guy instead of you fugly fat fucks.


There you have it. The reacher and the settler.

If you readers would like to look at others first before jumping into conclusions about your own sweet-ass relationships, well, let's have a try, shall we?

Now, how to identify these so-called reacher and settler? Simple!

Unless the couple itself does keep enough privacy of their relationship, it's as easy as a piece of cake to detect which ones are whom you've been looking for.

As for me, I love observing "sweet", pathetic couples out there who's shamelessly making facebook as their daily candle-light dinner. It's like the facebook itself would be the Eiffel Tower and the reacher in the couple would go on and on posting sweet holy fuck of romantic lame-ass shit on to the other, day and night. Now these kinds of couple are the ones I'd love to see the most. They are very much indeed, entertaining.

And to know which ones are you looking for, just look at their conversations on facebook. Which one is typing the most letters in a comment and which one replied just a couple words. You choose.

Or suddenly they have arguments and one of them are going all berserk on facebook, this is the perfect timing to identify. From several observations, I mean. Because the reacher would always be the one who looked disappointed, posted all feeling-bad shit on facebook, while the other half, the settler, would go on live his facebook profile as nothing happened, being all cool as shit.

I'm just saying. These are tips to identify and observe people on the outside before you made an example out of them and finally decide which side are you on in your current relationship.

Don't feel bad. Trust me, if you're on your middle 20s I'm sure you've been on both reacher and settler's side.

But what matters the most is about now.

For you sweet couples out there who is reading this crap, it does feel uncomfortable right now, doesn't it?

Yes, and that doesn't go away.

Some of us may have not realized this shit before this. Or some of us may even don't give a shit about it. But hell, you gots to choose, baby. Now's the time.

Now pick one and choose which one of you might be in your relationship. The reacher, or the settler? And go ask your boyfriends/girlfriends. Have a healthy discussion about it.

Confused which ones you are? Try making your partner jealous. If they hardly do get jealous, or you end up being jealous yourself, well, that's just some bad news for you. The settler don't easily get jealous, mark my words. So, you're the reacher.

Don't give a shit about all of this? Sorry, that is pure utter bullshit, you DO give a fuck. But by stating "I don't give a damn" at the first place after reading this entry would obviously made you BEING the reacher in your relationship HAHA AHHAHA

Happy feeling bad and if it ends up having a huge war between both of you, may you have a clean break up.


P/s : Idea to write triggered after watching How I Met Your Mother. Damn, that show's awesome!

Shit Cover #17 - Almost Here [Brian McFadden & Delta Goodrem]

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Hoho ape jadah la ni lately asyik post entry cover je. Memang takde keje lain. Aku dah malas nak menulis sangat. Tengok lah ade mood nanti.

Anywho.

Check out this cover my friend, Zara and I made just for fun. :)




Shit ah esok ade quiz kot. Camne ni camne ni. Struggle jelah malam ni. Huu.


P/s : Hui.

Shit Cover #16 - Love Is.. [Tiara Feat KG]

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One day I got a message on youtube from a fellow stranger named Reachan95 from France and she asked me if I wanted to make a duet cover of a song I've never heard before, with her.

But I dunno, without hesitationg, I figured out, let's give it a shot then.

So this is it. Yea I know syok sendiri. Sigh.





I dunno, even she's from France, but hell, her singing really sounded like a Japanese to me.


P/s : I'm sick of thinking about what to write on this P/s bullshit on every entry. lol.

Shit Cover #15 - Futatsu No Kuchibiru [Exile]

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Hurm, lama tak buat cover. :"> Salah ko la ni.





P/s : Wawawawawawa.

Random Shit Story #11 - The Story Of The Day I Went Berserk

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It was somewhere in the future, when I was having bedtime stories with my kid.

"This story happened quite some time ago, when I was little. Pretty much when you guys were small or weren't even born yet. Maybe it's a dream or some place where me and my subconscious is playing with each other. And now I've just remembered how it actually went, so it's time for story telling.

It all started out of nowhere. Suddenly I was at this dark cave with hundreds of other dudes and chicks. We were all running towards something deep inside that cave. God, how dark and wet it was at that time. I don't even have an idea on what was I doing in there at the first place.

So I figured out, these guys might be running from something. Then I became scared, too. I guess. So out of other I asked this one dude, while running next to him.

Me : Yo, man! What the hell are you and these other guys running from?
Dude : Don't "Yo, man!" me, dumbass. I'm not even a guy.
Me : Wait, what? You look pretty much like a dude to me, though. That's why I approached ya. Cause' I'm a dude, too, and I'm quite shy to talk to that cute lil' chick over there. :">
Dude : Yeah, yeah, anything you say, I ain't buying shit. You're not a dude, neither. I'm gonna win. So, see ya.

Then he immediately started accelerating his speed in running leaving me behind. I was like WTF? He's not a guy. He looked pretty much like a guy to me. Except for the fact that I'm more awesome than he is, fuck yeah.

And he said I'm not a guy, too. Damn it, how dare he undermine me with all this sexual problem matter? He doesn't even have the idea of how big my penis could be. And I put my hands to my crotch to see how huge it is right now, you know, just to make myself feel better, but..

But, wait.

Why don't I feel anything?

OMG, where's my fucking dick? Where the fuck did it.... Holy crap, that guy.. No, that person's telling the truth!

And with this mindfuck idea I suddenly had, it made the situation become weirder. What is this? Looked like a fucking dream to me. Sure one hell of a weird-ass dream.

Nahh, nevermind. I'm running as well. I'm gonna find that dude-person and ask him all about this shit.

So I started sprinting. Leaving all the slow motherfuckers behind. God how slow they were. Fuck them, you suck bitches!

And I suddenly realized, of how beautifully fast I was. Everyone beside me looked like a scene from the Smallville series when Clark Kent sees everything so awfully fast left behind everytime he moves his ass to save the girl of his dreams.

God, I'm Superman! How cool is that?! :D


....

Hurm.

Where and what the fuck I am right now?

That question keep replaying itself in my head as I heroicly [Is there even a word?] ran fast enough until I finally get to see the dude I was talking with back then. And as awesome as hell, I ran next to him and poke him on the shoulder going all like...

Me : 'sup.

And his reaction was awfully shocked by my sudden appearance next to him. He thought he was winning this marathon.

Hm?

Marathon?

Wait a minute.

Is this a marathon? Is this what this all about? If it is, holy fuck I am so gonna win this. I can't lose any competition! It's not me if I did lose.

Me : Hey dude. Look who's rocking now. :) See ya.

And I immediately left him behind. just like he did to me. But this time, I showed my middle finger while running backwards, leaving him behind looking disappointed and all. Poor little bastard.

And hey, guess what? There actually was no one anymore in front of me. I am surely as hell winning this marathon. God, how badass I was at this point. Those fuckers are all losers. Hell yeah.

And suddenly I reached this point where I assume something is waiting at the finish line. Something big and huge. Something sphere-shaped. It was all very beautiful and looking at how amazing the scenery was, I kept on running as hard as I could towards the big ball of fame and glory.

I dunno, I've already reached the main entrance of that big ball. Okay, fuck, now it's a God damn building alright. A round building. But still, with my eyes I can see the view of the finishing line but it seems too far away. So I kept running like about an hour or so, until at some point I actually get there.

The moment I got there, I thought there was gonna be some crowd cheering at me going all like "We love you, bro! Good job!" I mean, it's a marathon, right?

But it all went wrong. There was this something from the centre of that ball-shaped building getting at me and weirdly, they were absorbing me into some kind of transformation.

And I was like......"






"Sigh." My daughter's sigh suddenly caught my attention.

"Cut the crap, dad. I know this is the story of how you went out from grandpa's penis and get to the ovum of grandma. And nine months later, you got out of her belly looking hot as hell with your newly made penis. I'm nine, dad. I have sex education in school. I know all this stuff," said Natasha, my smart, beautiful princess.

[Now that is some random name I got for this entry, now don't get mad at me, cause for sure we're gonna have our own talk about our daughter's name, okay my-future-wife-to-be-who-ever-the-hell-you-are?]

"Great, now you've spoiled the mood. Just great. Go to bed." I murmured, feeling enough disgraceful of myself for not having the chance to make my own daughter going all like WOAAAAAAAHHH with that awesome story of mine just because their days of school will be having sex education at class. Damn it!

Geez, it's been a long night. Might as well, I get to bed, too. YAWNNNNN.


"Hey, dad." Natasha whispered, as I went out of her bedroom.

"Yes?"

"Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you."





P/s : Happy Birthday and may God bless you, Zaid.
A day earlier to wish, but hey, it's a lie, anyways. Happy dying.

Brix #12 - The Conversation Of The Three Dumped Guys

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Other than my homies here in Japan, I have two other best buddies, back in Malaysia, let's just call em' Max and Bob. We were best buddies since highschool. And every one of us had bad luck, yeap, our ex-s dumped us even when we would give everything for them.

But the recently dumped guy was Max. Me and Bob's break-up were like months ago. So he had a talk with Bob and me being the listener. Max planned to talk about some serious talk, but it turned out being funny instead.


Max : Aku pelik la perempuan ni, dah lah diorang ramai, lelaki sikit, dah jumpa orang cam kite ni, yang sayang gila babi, dah all out abeh duit peluh sume, leh dorang tinggal gak, Tapi btw, nampak la bangang kite kat situ.
Andy & Bob : Hmm.
Max : Pelik doh, aku tak dapat benci ex-ex aku before ni, tatau pasal ape, maybe sebab kena tinggal kot.

*Pause*

Max : Eh tak ah, bukan sebab kena tinggal, sebab bangang kot.
All of us : *Looking at each other*.... BLUERGHAHAHA AHHA HAHAHAAHHAHA.




After all the laughing..



Bob : Tu ah, aku rasa geng-geng kite ni susah la nak dapat awek betul-betul elok, sebab tiga-tiga bangang.
Bob : Zed lagi bangang, hahaha kena tinggal puh puh camtu. =))))
All of us : BLUERGHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SHIT.









Well, thanks guys, even I wasn't there, you guys sure made my day.

You see, fellas, having friends like these are like the most awesome gift from God himself. You make fun of each other, with nasty lawak kasar punya, neither behind his back or even in front of him. And at the same time, you understand each other pretty much. Having friends like these is pretty much the most awesome gift everyone wanted.

And this isn't some sarcastic shit.


*******


Enough of the friendship crap.

Maybe all of those BS is true after all.

Moral of the story --> Never give everything to someone special till you're... No, don't ever give everything. LOL

Cheers, Brohood of Bangang. Not to forget, cheers to Forever Alone FC, too!



P/s : "I'm sorry for you OP, weird though, after my first gf, where I did all that and everything, I already learned that the nice guy doesn't actually work. I am now an asshole and it's working great, you know. Not the all retarded type of asshole, just the teasing one and such. Well, I also learned I can never get over my first, and that I regret ever meeting her, even though the time with her was totally amazing. She broke me. Bitch."




Brix #11 - Awkward Silence

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The key to a good communication skill is to adjust every moment of conversation not to turn out being weird or some kind of an unintended joke to the other half. Like meeting new people, you have to be a good listener, or like pretend to be, because at some point, for instance, stating out..

"I love you because you're a good listener."


Is sure a sad thing. Because everybody's hypocrite and nobody's actually give a shit about some girl's talk or problems. We guys just wanna have sex with you.


What people really give shit is the impression. The first impression. That moment is where you should bring out the best of yourselves to show off to people of how awesome you may be.

And the first impression is very important, because it may change things. People usually would never wanna get to know a super wasted drunk guy in the liquor store compared to a normal good-looking, un-fucked up guy who's sitting in the bar having fun with his fellow friends.

Because to that drunk guy, people will never be able to forget of the first impression he gave to people, even if he woke up the next morning and turn into the normal guy you see at the bar. Well, let's just say that it's his bad luck for having such an awful day.

Enough of this crap everyone knows about.


*****


What I'm gonna write tonight is about this certain moment which you don't get everyday with the exact same people. And the chances of people handling this situation smoothly is thin.

Yeah, it's about the moment where you just shut up without reasons. And eventually, even women [who as we know, talks a lot ] would surely have those things moving around. Yeah, you do.

Sigh, these sexist jokes are sure getting pretty lame.

Awkward silence. They should be treated in a funny way. Unless you're dealing with your angry boss or over-protective dad or anything, you should take a shot of it with your friends.

Remember the times back then in primary school, in the class where everyone of us kids would not stop making noises because we're too busy playing and enjoying our lifetime as a kid?

Geez, I miss those times.

Nahh, I'm not finished.

Well, speaking about mine, it sure does happen a lot. The greatest awkward silence in the whole class with a bunch of kids who sure can't take it being quiet, suddenly, without any reason, everyone seems to be pretty much in a silent moment for some seconds at the same fucking time, and that is all.

Don't you think those things are weird? Yeah, I know the Malay Muslims call these moments..



"Ha, malaikat tengah lalu.."



And the best part out of it was, every class has its own cool kid. Every time the awkward silence strikes out, the cool kid would make one joke, actually, the joke is quite offensive to Muslims anyway, but these cool kids, ain't giving shit and start trolling people in real life since 5th grade.



****AWKWARD SILENCE****


Suddenly..



Cool Kid : *Tiba-tiba bangun dari kerusi dan sua dan hulur kaki ke hadapan* Malaikat lalu weh, tahan dia, kasi die jatuh. XD



And the whole class, including me, would burst out into laughter of the first offensive yet horrible joke I knew in my childhood. If you do those stupid jokes in the office or the class today, maybe people would misjudge you and think you're just stupid and insensitive. Strange, right?

Awkward silence, there's so many ways to bring laughter out of it.

Say, you make an intended joke at school, making fun of the guy who everyone laughs at [yeah, every college have those], but turns out it became a truly honest mistake about him..



YOU : Weh, tengok! Ni ha budak yang jatuh longkang semalam HAHAHAHAHA AAHHA AHAHAHA HHAA.



And when you realize you're laughin alone in the class, you bestfriend came to you and..



Member bisik : Psst, weh die baru dapat tau bapak die meninggal tadi duh..

YOU : ..............




Now that's the perfect awkward silence.


*God, I hope this never happens to me. It feels so awful, man*



And you have no idea of apologizing to the guy, or even do anything to handle the matter from being worst and you can't stop feeling bad every time you think about it.

These moments, it's just an illusion. It can make us feel bad, feel good, or even feel both. But the real cool thing to do about this moment is, to be making fun out of it.

Just like the cool kid with his "Malaikat" Joke. He really knows his stuff.

You see, whenever the moment of that awkward silence comes, suddenly the whole place became gloomy, moody, and everything you feel bad about, right?

And when you become the cool kid, and make everyone laughs, suddenly POOF! and everything goes away. Now ain't that just awesome?




P/s : J-J-Jaded.

Childhood #2 - Fitrah Manusia



Have you ever ate a lemon or anything yang masam gila babi and had an reaction like this cute lil' son of a bitch?




God, that kid so damn motherfucking cute! I literally blow my head off into candies watching this .gif image.


********



When I was a kid, and when I was at the first moment of understanding the word fitrah, or shall we say, natural in English, I have quite some questions I asked to my mum but she refused to answer every single of it instead of talking me out of it by promising..


"Nanti kamu besar kamu paham la ye.."


Yes, an innocent child also has its own imagination, you guys. And me being the kid back then, I have my own stories to tell. About everything that connects a women and a guy into this particular activity which the grown ups call "SEX".

And I remembered back then when I had my first erection. Browsing the catalog and focusing into the lingerie section [pastu kantoi dengan abah pastu kena rotan kaw-kaw], yes. Since then I actually had my first sexual imagination.

God, and thinking about it now, how funny it was, indeed. I get easily turned on every night before going to bed just by imagining myself getting hurt or whatever and lay there with these 3-4 hot ladies sitting beside me getting all like..


"Awww, look at this poor hurt child."


Yeah, just by imagining that shit made my penis grew larger. Except for the fact that it was indeed, not that big, at that time back then. :">

Those were the days I was a kid. Now? I fap to every material before going to bed. =))



*******


And there was Islamic lessons, too. And the ustaz made it clear that girls and boys shouldn't be holding hands together. Because at some point, it'd bring evil thoughts from Satan. And that made me thinking.

Why?

Why does it make us sexually aroused? Because of fitrah manusia? Yes, that seems plausible.

But being a kid, with the mind of an innocent soul, I think of it like holding hands with my sister. Heck, I didn't erection at all, even until now. LOL

So at that time, my mind kept wondering, why? Why do we actually get turned on by something like this? Is it because we're not used to it? That actually is a great answer, though, for me.

Imagine, being born in a whole new world unlike our world itself, we have pretty much everyone naked in the streets and all. Everyday, growing up, going to school, going to work, watching some hot naked chick putting on her shoe from behind, or some MILF jogging around the park with her iPod on hanging on her necks between her tits and her boobs bouncing around for every step of her jog..

At the end of the day, wouldn't it be all like..





Sikit pon tak heran. Langsung.


Because at that world, we're already used to it. And we ain't giving shit. At all. Screw porn, they won't get through that world anyhow. All the pornstars would be like pretty much everything you see begging around for money in Masjid Jamek LRT Station. Because nobody's buying shit.

And there will be no more kes maksiat zina, or anything like that. And heck, no more buang-buang bayi also.

Of course, life in that fantasy world would be freaking boring compared to this actual world that we're living in, yes, no porn at all, seriously?

But, who knows, everyone hopes for the world to be a better place. At least before 2012.


P/s : I'm thinking of writing some bullshit, but nahh.

Brix #10 - Pre-requisite of Pooping

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Hello, kids. Today I'm going to write about shit. As usual.

You see, back then when I was a kid, I'm used to shit in eastern-style toilets where you have to squat on the magical bowl where your poop will suddenly disappear with beautiful waterfalls from the tank. Flushed, I mean.


Ther actually a hose in there. But we'll get to that later.




And when I was in the age 7-9, my dad brought all of us to England to further his studies. Well, at first, I was still a child back then, and all I can see in the toilets is newly designed toilet bowls where sitting, instead of squatting would be a new adventure for your poop trip.


Aku suke warna merah. It turns me on.



But because I was a child, and my body was kinda small to sit on that toilet, I hate it, you know why? It once happened to me that I accidentally slipped into the toilet and had my own shit all over my buttocks when I've already finished shitting. FFFUUUUUU

So to make sure that that thing never happen again, I'm back with the same old style, with the new toilet bowl. Well, you know..



And don't act like I'm the only one doing this shit. Korang pon penah jugak.



And sometimes it does get messy. Because with your bare foot on the bowl, it's still slippery, though. I once fell from the toilet bowl and while struggling to get balanced on my feet, I fell even harder and hit my head hard on the bath tub next to it. It hurts so fucking bad. But hey, I thought getting hurt that way is better than getting poo all over your buttocks.

But too bad, the next day, I had benjol-benjol on my head but I was too shy to admit it to my parents, so I figured out, bagi alasan....


"Terhantuk dengan kawan time main rounders kat sekolah."




Would be cooler instead of



"Terjatuh time berak semalam.. Alaaaa tengok tu jangan laaa gelakkk huwaaaa.. :'("



So, yes, time kecik-kecik dulu memang aku berak camni every fucking time kat sana. Quite embarrassing to admit that. But fuck it, I ain't giving shit.

And then time balik Malaysia, finally I get to return to my usual pooping journey where I don't have to sit nor squat on a fucking western-style bowl toilet, but I'm back with my sweet loving eastern-style toilet bowl. Fukken love ya, mate!

So, while enjoying my childhood shitting on jamban nenggong, I do appreciate every moment of it and dreaming of shitting massive shits everyday with the perfect mood and nice condition of a toilet.

But day by day, when I already hit my puberty and no longer have the body of a kid, I have no other choices than to actually sit on a western-style toilet bowl. 'Cause, once in a while, we do shit in public toilets and in hotels and such right? So I finally learned both ways on how to shit while sitting and squatting on both western and eastern toilet bowl. Profit!

And there was this day back in 2004 when I opened up my email and received one interesting article about how dangerous it is to squat on a western-style toilet bowl. Do you want me to upload the bloody picture in here? Go Google it on your own. So since then, I swore to myself and my soul, that I will never ever berak menenggong kat jamban western.

And here comes Japan, the land of a new way to shit in the toilet. Because I've already said this before. In here, most of the toilets use modernized technology toilet bowls just for the maximum satisfying feeling while shitting. 'Cause you know why? On the toilet bowl, there actually have buttons on it to control the firing blaze of hot water right up to your fucking assholes to shoot and wash all the left-overs after shitting.


You can see the buttons next to the toilet bowl.


Here's a better close-up.



Seriously, to enjoy the feeling of technology washing your ass up? Guys, it does seem good at the first place, but in the end, shitting would make you realize that it is actually an adventure. There's no fucking adventure letting some modern toilet bowls shooting your asses to wash 'em, while you're just sitting there doing fucking nothing!

You know what true adventure of shitting is? Here we have both efforts and maximum satisfaction, too!

So tell me, what's certainly the best condition for a normal person like you to shit in Malaysian's toilet?

Thanks to Pam for bringing this up, I will gladly enough to elaborate every point of the perfect pre-requisite of pooping.



1] Paip kena ade hose


This is definitely a must for every time shitting on a toilet. Tak nak cebok, taknak air dalam tub. Nak air direct dari paip. Without a hose, you could never walk out from a toilet smiling, seriously.



2] Water running mesti leh pancut at least 45cm.

What could possibly be the worst case scenario shitting on a toilet having a hose next to you, but when you open up the running water, air kuar dari paip macam air mazi? Nightmare sial. Air ada, tapi kua macam tu, arghhhhhh hilang tujuan hidup! Air kena pancut laju, for the maximum erotic feeling when the ejaculated water touches your asshole. The faster, the better.



3] Rokok penambah selera.

While having your preferably alone moments, a cigarette or two would definitely be a bonus for some smokers like me. It's like when you're squatting long enough in the moment, there's nothing to do instead of daydreaming about your fucked-up life. Why do we have to do that and feel bad when we can actually enjoy the moment by adding some cigarettes on the list?

Bagi yang bukan smoker, bolehlah cari Majalah Remaja atau Mangga to have hard-ons while pooping. Nice!


4] Cheerful environment.


Lampu kena ada, suasana kena terang. And the most important thing is, bau and kebersihan sebelum parking nak berak tu kena normal. Preferably wangi dan tiada kotoran-kotoran tanah dari tapak kasut bercampur air di lantai toilet. So this is the time to work on it! You have no other choice to clean up your toilet everytime after using it!


5] Time constraint.


You could never ever get satisfied shitting while waiting for your final paper. Memang takleh berak nikmat kalau lagi 10 minit nak masuk dewan peperiksaan. And things will get worst in the future if you have to shit while you're actually in the middle of your exam. Like in my paper in SPM, aku tak tahan nak berak time paper Teknologi Kejuruteraan and there you have it, a C6! [padahal ayat cover memang aku bodoh pon subjek tu]

So you have no choice than holding it up and trust me, you can thank me after those tahan-tahan tu. Sebab moment tu lah yang terbaik sekali.

*******


And that is all, for now. Feel free to add some points on your own list. Because, what's better than having moments like this to be spent with the most satisfying conditions? It's like making the best out of a relationship. Because why, personally to me, nikmat kedua tersedap di dunia ini selepas seks adalah berak. So kite patut bersyukur.

And same goes to peeing! :D

P/s : Buat keje gile skali-skala.

Credit to Pam for the idea.

Serious Thoughts #4 - Sarcasm Rules

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TL;DR type of entry. Quite a serious one to think about our own race.



In this stupid blogging world where people fantasize about being in their imaginary land which the writers would be imagining themselves being the Leader of a cult which were worshipped by stupid fags and readers like you by convincing you bitches on how awesome they could be by words in their blog and all bullshits in it, [woah that was long] there's only two type of blog writers who are using and making the best out of only one element in their writings - sarcasm.

And diary writers are so out of the list.

You see, I love sarcasm. And the internet taught me that sarcasm has no limit. So I should make fun of anything very very sensitive to the nature of religious nor racist men like you mafackas. But I won't. Maybe I will. But I won't. I dunno LOL

By using the sarcastic element of a point, we could bring tonnes of butthurts out there that are so stupid for not realizing that actually we are being sarcastic and all we intended to was to make them suffer and hurt from all of our writings. But like I said, there are two types of blogwriters who intended to do so.

One of them is the kind who likes to do sarcastic in a really bad way, but it's just not themselves. You see, guys, life on the internet and in real life would be a big difference for some of us blog writers. Like me, I once wrote a blog post making fun of hukum agama which you moralfags are so aware of, yeah, I ate that pork and enjoyed every moment of it with my beloved friends.

But the truth is, I didn't really do it and all I wanted was to see my fellow readers get mad at me, just for social experimenting. And everything went exactly as planned.

And one thing more to this is, this particular type blog-writer which I preferably put myself into is one type of a person who actually don't give a single fuck about everything. We just hate everything besides us, we hate our own race for being so typically stupid and get so easily paranoid and cepat melatah, well you know our race. But geez, deep down I hate bashing my own race to be honest. Nuff said.

But we still don't give a shit. We don't believe in anything. We're using the term trolling just the way it used to be. We troll people and ain't giving shit. We're just neutral, we judge everything from beneath, and make decisions on how to react with some kind of current issues, and that depends on how people react with those issues at first, and then we strike our owns. And just to make fun of it, we might react with such different reaction just to troll you guys. Cause that's what we do. In some issues.

And I'd be gladly happy to be one of these assholes. Cause for me, we're doing it the right way on using the term sarcasm.

But!

The other part of a blog writer whom also uses sarcasm as his/her main element of writing is the one who actually stands up for what he/she believes in, [except for the fact that that matter they believe in is full of crap and bashing people all around] and the worst part of it is, these stupid sons of bitches are the ones who actually write pretty mind-blowing, butthurting, assraping, piece of crap which even I, would actually give a shit about it. But by the means of giving shit is, I actually get disgusted by every crap they wrote.

Because why? Now let's move on to the next step for further understanding.


The Malay Chronicle of 20th Century.

The Malays zaman dulu-dulu as we know it is one helluva God damn sopan santun punya budi pekerti punya manusia. And we never talk personal things with each other in public. Because it's in our nature that we tend to cepat sangat melatah and get overreacted with things so stupid, when you're realized you're actually that stupid, you'd be dumping your fucking brains off the toilet and flushs it over and over again. So we tend to keep things as a secret.

But actually, that was a matter of fact, in the past, where there would be no such things as technology as we speak of it right now.

Nowadays, with the usage of media, telephones, camera, televisions, computer, and Human's greatest creation, the Internet, these stuff would and already have turned our race slowly become changing, from extremely defending and protecting 'aib keluarga dan bangsa into stupid cunts who are so busy doing some charity work to raise the controversial matter in their neighborhood.

And one thing for sure, we the Malays back then, are so proud of our ketatasusilaan dan berbudi bahasa, until we forgot what it's like to actually confront something when we actually have to. We tend to use some other choices on confronting our "enemies", which at the same time, the acne of evil jealousy spreading slowly in our hearts and there it goes to their childs' hearts - you and me :)

And what was the solution made by our great great great granddads and grandmoms to overcome that problem of not having the balls to confront something?

We use kata-kata kiasan.

Yeah, I fucking hate Malay's punya kata-kata kiasan. Cuba balik kampung time raya and they'd be no single day without words yang tajam seumpama bilah pedang yang berkilau. Dan sume kata-kata kiasan perli tak hengat dunia tu sume datang dari siapa? Keluarga sendiri jugak.

Mak-mak sedara dan sepupu-sepapat.

C'mon, admit it, you guys. Kalau takde kat kampung pon, might as well you get those words from your own beloved parents at home. Sucks to be you! =))

Okay back to my point, enough of this Malay Chronicle 20th Century bullshit.

And from those evolutions of our race, and with the mixture of the technology of media nowadays, the Malays as we see it right now, turn out to be worst than ever. See it yourself, do the observation, not only to others, even to yourselves.

We're always pretending to be the awesomest moralfag ever for reacting so religiously on some point of view, like for instance the comolot youtube video and other .3gp videos. But as a matter of fact, why the fuck are we viewing it at the first place? You don't like it, you might as well don't look at it at all.

But not to worry, I maybe seem ungrateful to being born as a Malay, but deep down, I am proud of who I am. And I would never bash my own race as hard as I could, because turns out, those ayat-ayat


"Camne la nak maju kalau Melayu tak tolong Melayu, dok maki-maki bangsa sendiri?"


is actually true. Who are we to abandon our own beloved race? But at this moment that statement seems to be quite racist for a country like Malaysia. So I'd rather change it into


"Camne la nak maju kalau MALAYSIANS tak tolong MALAYSIANS, pastu dok maki-maki NEGARA sendiri?"


So let's move on the next next part. The second type of bloggers which I never managed to finish explaining.

Now these dickheads are the ones who have already evolutionalized from the stupid type of Malay people which I've already explained just now. Not even the slightest bit of guilty were felt when writing blog posts which seems to be bashing all people of their own race and their own land and heck, their own fucking religious. Yeah, that "fucking" word I put before "religious" kinda seemed awful, but I'm just gonna leave it instead.

Every word seemed to be kata-kata kiasan. Kata-kata halus. And people like me, honestly, I hate being around with all that "Kata-Kata Kiasan Sindiran Halus Malay Style".

What I love sarcasm is all about the internet. Not about how our own race is making-fun-but-in-a-serious-way of its own race by making the only and only one action that could probably be its own sacred weapon, which is at this point of referring - "Kata-Kata Kiasan Sindiran Halus Malay Style"

Stop bashing our own race. Our own religion. Our own country. Really. Instead you could give a hand. Take some action. Our country really needs us.

[Oh babi pedihnya tulis ayat ni, aku sendiri pon tak berapa nak membantu oh shit]


Off the record, aku pernah je kutuk-kutuk, but it all came out without even the slightest bit of anger. As for me, I made it just for fun, and it's not even the thing I'd stand up to. And you might say that is pure bullshit, but in my defense, you need to know that I am not a guy of an extremist. I like to keep it steady, not so tough, and not so easy.

Try comparing it with this blog post. Even you'll get it that sarcasm is all around, but yeap, you'd be fucking your own butt in no time. I actually don't give a fuck about his actual point, but I accidentally gave a fuck at how he tries to pass on that very message to his readers. And try giving a shot to read other posts. You'll get nothing but pure sarcasm, and personally to me, seemed to be stupid. Because this is pure Malay style punya sindiran halus Rogue Level 80 Critical Hit 8000++ Back Stab mati terus! And I hate that so fucking much.

Sarcasm Melayu are so not gonna win sarcasm internet. Even peeps at 4chan have a heart yo! LOL

Geez.



P/s : Jikken Repootooooo.

Sexist #10 - Masalah Ketinggian

.

You know why I hate getting a shower in a bath tub?



Yeah, happened to me once before. When I was little. God Dammit. Seb bek tak cedera apa-apa.

Okay.


*****


Female humans appear to be no different from any other species of animal when it comes to mate selection. Size - in this case, height - counts.

That women prefer taller men than her is nothing new. Short guys, sadly, unless they're rich, powerful or famous, [because those three elements are the only things that would drive a chick go crazy instead of our hawtness.] have come by this knowledge the hard way. Yes, we do. And women all over the world openly profess desires for height in personal ads.




And the question is why? I came across to think that the world is genuinely unfair to short guys like me. It kinda sucked though, when we meet new people, like this instance, a friend of mine introduced me to a girl of his friend, and beyond all his good and nice descriptions about that very girl, there's always a "but" in everything. And the "but" this time was



"Tapi die macam lagi tinggi la dari hang.. Hurm, 160++cm something?"



Yeah, thx dude for making me writing this stuff.

But for your information, I am a short guy. A fat-ass one, too. Pastu badan aku lebar and this lebar-ness makes me look even shorter than ever. Fuck this shit!

Everytime I'm with a taller girl, I'll fall straightly into, hurm how do I put this delicately.. Yes, the Friend Zone. And no boys would like it that effing zone! [Thanks Shakaff, pakai ayat ang jap]





My height is only 161cm and I'm gonna be in that height for the rest of my life. Sapa suruh tak nak minum susu time kecik-kecik? Ptuih!

Girls like taller men, that's one fact that scares the crap out of me. And they have their own reasons for that what it makes to turn them on. Reasons that seems plausible but geez, have a heart, will ya? It hurts my feeling and lower my self esteem to know that taller men seems protective for them and they'd love that. The taller the better. Can't short men protect you bitches, too? No? :(





As you can see, love is overrated in this matter. There's nothing to compare when it's love. But that's just the way it is right now in this world. We have to live it, even though it's unfair to begin with.

You know like in sex afterwards, when their exhausted, girls like to baring-baring on our chest and play with our hairchest for a while. Pastu time comolot like these two doing in public..





Don't it look romantic to know that this couple is just cute? And the perfect height of them is what makes them look even more cuter. Just like in the movies. You'll never see a new version of Twilight starring a new Edward Cullen with the height of 5 foot 4 inches banging Bella Swan from behind.



"Die pilih KLCC doh.."




Haha, I personally think that this video is cute for them to be arguing in this stupid way and end up kissing each other. Romance is in the air.

What I hate about this video is the friends of his who are too fucking "awesome" to be making fun of them by recording their personal moments and uploading it on youtube.

And yeah, the couple is quite stupid, too, for kissing in public in Malaysia. Tak peka dengan environment masyarakat Malaysia yang gila babi anti dengan perkara sebegini.

Don't hate love. Hate the insensitivity in that video. By this insensitivity I mean the stupid heroic friends.


*******



What the fuck am I writing? Back to topic!

So why would these chicks would preferably go for taller guys than them? I have my own opinion, but turns out it's just the same like Shakaff's. So no need to be writing a new one.

"Well, first thing first, they don't actually like tall guys, they're just looking for a taller man than them. If she's 1 foot 2 inches tall like a husky, she'll settle for a 1 foot 3 inches dawg in no time.

Here goes,

1. Taller dawgs to look like a perfect couple in front of homies.

2. It's a fucking trend. ["Wow tinggi la laki u tu Shida. Hawt!*gaya Scha* I nak laki tinggi macam laki you jugak!]

3. Someone to look up to. [Like a dog looking up to their master]

4. To feel safe.

5. When they look up, dawgs will instantly get a hard on by gazing on those eyes. [Kalau laki pendek, usya dagu, profit? Phail.]

6. By some reason, it's just a natural feeling.

7. Time kissing kaki terangkat, romantic sial.

8. So their dawgs can look down onto their cleavage. [Skill mengelak lelaki usya Siham lain]




Ada! Don't deny it, girls."


****

Thanks Shakaff.

So the solution?

The key to overcome this suck-the-fuck feeling is to have confidence in yourself. [What the fuck is suck-the-fuck?] Be more sweet of yourselves, as women love sweet loving men, and be hypocrite, because that's just not ourselves. LOL!

I kid, guys. We know when it comes to loving, being sweet just happens by itself. It's natural, just like the way you bitches like taller man. Fuck you.

And if you just gonna give a go on taller girls than you, I'd say,



"What the fuck are you waiting for?"



Because that's what people in Forever Alone United will do. We support each other, every fucking single time.. Thanks Kimon.

The world doesn't need taller men. You don't have to be like Beng with his 180++cm tall skeleton. LOL But still, have some confidence in yourselves!

Girls like taller men. Deal with it, or go have fun in Disneyland. Here's a free ticket.





P/s : Looking forward to this.


Credits to Shakaff. And Pam for making me write this entry.

What I Hate About Facebook #9 - Forever Alone

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They said I could write anything in a blog, so here goes.





It sucked being single. Really. When you're preferably better at being in a couple. Everyday seems meaningless when you open your eyes every morning being disappointed with the very special dream you had last night about your ex.

Yeah, I can't seem to forget her. God damn it.

But hey, try putting yourself in my shoe. Being here alone in Japan, when everyone of your race is about thousand miles away in Malaysia. So you're lonely, and all you have is a laptop and a high speed internet connection.







Honestly, what would you do?

Now, this may seems gay, but me and my lonely friends here have this hobby of ours. Yeap, we had this thing called "Clicking "Add As Friend" at Random Chick's profile on Facebook".

Yeap, ain't that sucked? Of all people in here we still tend to look over the Malay chicks we have back in Malaysia. Because why?


"Alahhh, aku saja-saja je main-main add die ni. Just for fun je, nak cover lonely teman berbual je, takde ape-ape ah!"


"LOL babi ape men add awek kat Facebook, macam boleh je dapat."



Yeah, we all know those facts. But we kept one thing in mind, that we are still the Malay dudes who are super lonely and tend to do stupid no-benefit things such as this shit. Adding chicks but still keeping it on the right side, our own race. Because "Siapa bilang gadis Melayu tak menawan?" right? That's a compliment to you camwhores.

And even though we'd like to say,


"Saja-saja je ni.."



Well actually, deep down inside we hoped for something special. You know what I mean right.



"Everybody's looking for that something,
One thing that makes it all complete,
You find it in the strangest places,
Places you never knew it could be.."



Flying Without Wings



And when at worst times, we also tend to be the worst stalker ever.

But, nope, don't get me wrong. We don't stalk you chicks. We never do that. We're just merely



"Wow, comel dia ni!"

*Klik "Add As Friend"*



"FUUU YEA"



And forget all about it the next day. Until whether you chicks approve our friend request or not.

And if you didn't approved, we ain't giving shit. It's Facebook, you can add pretty much everyone you want and you can also approve or reject pretty much every friend requests that you've got. Lucky for me, I rejected this certain person's friend request just now because I just don't feel comfortable having that person in my friend list. What do you expect in return for entering a messed-up dude's room without notice? Being total clean like I even have a wife? Well, I'm happy fer ya. But I am a messy guy right now. /depressed mood

Let's get back to my point.

And if you approved our request, let's get back to how far the timeline is from the minute we clicked that button to add you as our friend on Facebook and the moment you actually approved our request. There's only two possibilities, whether we remembered you or not, because it always happened to me, time add seronok sakan, pastu lupe. Like



"When in the hell did I add this bitch?"



Kalau ingat tu bertuah la. Lenkali approve awal-awal. LOL

Look, I know I'm being a total loser right now, but this is just me. Adding random persons on Facebook, well, that would probably be the lamest way to making out with girls. It is. I know.

But I just hate it. I want that thing so much, and it sucked that you have to fix your broken heart first. Can't human beings just know each other for the first time and for the love of God, they immediately fall in love with each other and forget everything in the past? That would be so fucking easy.

But I'm still gonna admit it, adding those persons, well, it was kinda fun though. No matter you'll approve or not. That's not the point. You see these sad sons of bitches trying to have fun with each other, while deep down inside they're sad and lonely but still willing to make effort to find that something that everyone wants so fucking bad? Even with the stupidest way? LOL


Look at me. I'm super cute. Please gimme a chance! :3



I'm just saying. I hate it that I'm like this. I'm not even close to be focusing on what I'm supposed to be focusing right now, and one thing that I'm still being able to think about is being in a couple? Geez. Sounded desperate enough for an almost-12months-after-getting-dumped-by-his-girlfriend-but-still-can't-manage-to-fucking-move-on guy.

Well, let's just say, having that particular something would bring great effects on you somehow. Who knows, someday someone would actually changes you into being a better person? It does sounded desperate, but this is how I feel, no, everyone of us here feel, dontcha fucking lie to me, you fucking dickheads.

...

What the fuck am I writing right now? Is this an emo entry. OH LAWD.

Nahh, you know what's the suckiest thing about Facebook right now that I fucking hate?

Bile belom add,


"Wow muke comel! Nice, nak kenal la die ni!"




Bile dah approve.



"Is in a relationship with
Abdul Ghani"






And the process would repeat itself for about many times as it goes until you finally give up and decides to take a break somehow. And the uglier the boyfriend's face would look like, the more RRRRAAAGGEEEE it gets.

Until at some point, you feel like..





ForeverAlone.jpg



P/s : Suddenly I got a feeling that we're gonna back together. Please stop.

What I Hate About Japan #9 - Squeakkkk!




'Sup guys..






First of all, it took me a while just to put a new image in this blog's header. Geez, I really sucked in the HTML section. It drives me crazy! GAH!

And I was hoping for some compliments, please, do compliment me guys, I worked hard on this. :"> Nahh, just kidding.

Well, let's get back to topic. So another What-I-Hate-About-Japan series ey? What is this all about this time?

Okay, for starters, before I came here, and when I first being introduced to anime and Japanese AV and stuff, I really like it so very much. I mean, look at their voices, especially the cute little girls. Those squeaky little voice, sounded very manja with their sengau-sengau and all, God! It's just, at those time I was really into those animes. And it really turned me on everytime hearing them, so I figured out this maybe worth a shot to take. No, several shots to take.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.







And geez, back then when I watch their porns, I would pretty much savor every breath and every moment of it. Those moans, sigh, those moans, guys, are unbeatable. I would pretty much rather watch Japanese porn all day than fantasizing about having sex with a girl of my own race. /eksagerasi

And at those times I find this video which was made by a Japanese so-called cute girl, well, I find it kinda cute.









Sort of.

I mean, she's really adorable, man, and the way she talks, DAYYYUUUMMM, is hilarious plus super cute all together in one element of an adjective. =)

Hurm, yea... I know it's weird, ain't it?


"NYOKI NYOKI NYOKI Pala butuh dia."



I know, I knowww, guys. It's good that those feelings I had were not for long. Guess I was quite a weirdo back then.

You see, since I actually came here, and when I truly used to the way these Japanese girl talks, it's just scares the crap out of me. It's just not fukken normal, for crap's sake! And I have no idea at all, why the hell would I thought these voices would sounded cute back then?

And then, day by day, I started feeling disgusted by it. Meluat. Menyampah. And today, I am glad to announce that I am no longer and will never watch anime with cute little Japanese girls in it and I am no longer watching its porn, too. :">







Because why, I remembered when I was in my first year of college, which was last year, I came across to be socializing with them Japanese in class. You know, those lectures where we were divided into groups and discuss about topics given. Yeah, I had to. And the girls, I dunno, when they're happy and a bit close to over-reacting, they sounded more weird.

It's like you're squeezing their head and the voices which come out of their throat sounded more squeaked and kecik. Plus the sengau-ness. What's "sengau" in english? I don't fukken know.

What I know is, the sengau-ness of their voice is what makes it sounded more creepy, unnatural, awful, horrific, ominous, strange, uncanny, spooky, inscrutable and pretty much everything you get when you googled "Weird+Thesaurus".

And when I get used to it, I was disappointed with myself. Ape yang comelnye WTF? And everytime after class I would go back home feeling unwell, I feel sick all the time, really. No, that was a joke.

Too bad to know that those matters are really in their nature, I mean, the girls over here. And the best part is, I have no problem at all with the boys' voice. They sounded cool to me. You see how big the difference between the male and the female over here?

I mean, I like manja-manja girls. When it comes to our race, perempuan yang manja secara natural ni memang betol-betol taste aku. God, I loveee perempuan manja, comel, tak kurus sangat, kecik... Hurmm.. :"> Bukan perempuan yang buat-buat manja k?

But it just felt wrong with them Japanese. Sigh, why are they so fukken weird?

Itu belom bile aku travel, masuk bas, masuk tren, jalan-jalan, dok dengar dorang berborak sesama sendiri and laughing together with their squeaky little voices which freaks me out a bit.




Hurm.

Tapi tu la kan..

Erm..


"Eleh, cuba sorang awek Jepun bogel depan ko,
ape ko buat?"




Er..







Teeheeeeeeeeeeeee :">






P/s : Don't think. Don't fucking think. Because when you think you realize just how fucked up everything really is. You realize you don't fucking know how you got where you are, you don't know where you're going and you don't know what to do anymore. So, stop thinking.

Toilet Paper #1 - Site Tuka Nama



Lately, I've been thinking about this site's name. It's getting lame I guess.

Whosyourmom.blogspot.com WTF? I guess I'm ashamed of that name :">

So here comes tonight. I think I'm gonna change this blog's site to a new URL.

Forget whosyourmom. This blog will no longer can be accessed by that name and I'm gonna put my own name as the new URL.

Effective immediately.

I'm sure some readers would probably get confused with the sudden disappearance of the whosyourmom site. But I guess they'll find out eventually. :)

New identity, new blog name, new URL. But no worries, nothing's gonna change about the content. Craps and shits as usual. =)

So, here goes. Goodbye whosyourmom.blogspot.com


And welcome, zaidradzai.blogspot.com!



P/s : Senyum bahagia!

Shit Video #3 - Youtube Five Second Movies




This is extremely some old shit, and I've already discovered these videos like a year ago but trust me guys, if you have the exact same sense of humour as I have, you'll be laughing your ass off.

I dunno, it gets me all the time. Pity all the producers, directors, script-writers of those movies to work very hard on making their movie one of the best out there but this son of a bitch manage to make the best out of it, which was even better than the real 1-2hour movie.

Yeah, you actually have to watch the actual movie before taking a peek on these parodies and understanding it. Kalau tak paham jugak tu, hurmmm, let's just our sense of humour isn't the same.

There are tonnes of 5second movies out there on Youtube, but to me, not all of 'em are super hilarious. Most of them are quite lame, too.

Anyways. I have my own favorites. The credit goes to the person by the name "That Guy With The Glasses"


Enjoy.

























Right, right?? 5second movies are the best!



P/s : I love my type.

What I Hate About Japan #8 - Overwhelming Excitement



What an excitement feeling of knowing your beloved sister was having her best day of her life getting married to her husband while you're far away not being able to attend that wedding. Geez I missed two big weddings in my whole life right now, which was my eldest brother's, and yesterday, my sister's. Sucks right? Totally.




But that's not what I'm gonna write right now. Yesterday was quite a day to me. You know about those fiesta-event thingy some universities handled right before the graduation day? Yang semua orang excited nak bukak kedai tapi haram tak tolong langsung? Yeaaa, that day.

Now yesterday, my college set up that event and we the Malaysians over here had just opened up our booth of Malaysian food. We sell sate, roti john, dadih and some other kind of you know, Malaysian stuff. Yeah, we do that all day.

No, this is not about what I hate of Japan. Let's get to the point first.

The Japanese as we know it, are one kind of a race where they tend to take good care of others' feelings. Yes, despite what they've been in the past, where they've been ruling our Tanah Melayu and pancung-pancung people everyday. Now they've been better. LOL

And at first, I really appreciate what they're doing. Semedang dok nak jaga hati orang je kan. Well, of course, we all love that effort, don't we?

Everytime I go to the convenience store, or any restaurant, I'd give three thumbs up for the service here. They really acted like they were serving us customers as their God. Hey, I'm serious.

It's like we the customers, are their God. And it doesn't make any difference just because I'm the outsider. They even serve good service to their own people.

All those smile, and all those charming act were really meaningful to us customers. We would never get more stressed out when we go to those places. They would do anything just to maintain their service at a higher state that would bring appreciation from us.

And right before last Aidilfitri, I went back to Malaysia, and I was feeling quite strange when dealing with the service our people provide for us.

And it was ironic, though. It's like at the second I walked out from that plane, the environment suddenly changed.

From


"Wow, it's so good being back home! :D"



Until I entered the chocolate store in KLIA, to buy some chocolates, I was like



"Hm."


Because you know why? Our people don't treat their customers that way. And it feels kinda odd to being treated like a stranger in their own shop when you're only used to 100% quality service of the people here in Japan.

I don't wanna sound gay or anything but the service sucks in Malaysia. In here when you pay the things you buy, they would focus all of their attention to you, but in Malaysia, hurmmm. I remembered back then when I was at this 7-Eleven in Malaysia once, the cashier did quite a good job to impress me, because he reminded me to the Japanese here, he treated me well. Itu pon sekali je aku jumpa. Respect la mamat tu.

But the others? Geez. Sambil-sambil aku hulur duit nak bayar bole plak die tak henti ngumpat dengan rakan sekerja die kat sebelah. Sampai tak pandang aku langsung. Pastu dok ngutuk negara sendiri, itu la apa la. Baiki diri sendiri dulu sebelum bantai orang lain. [Yes, pesanan untuk aku jua :">]

Okay, that's enough bashing my own country :"> Let's get back to this What-I-Hate-About-Japan thingy.

When you already used to good service, you know there's a limit, don't you? I realized this shit when I went to this restaurant nearby, and this one waiter was overacting her service. She was really really, I mean really guys, she had this particular overwhelming excitement of shit glowing around her that apparently, we're not stupid enough to know that it was all a God damn lie.

She smiled so hard we all know it was fake enough to realize. She gets her voice tone high enough to know that it's not normal to speak with people that way.

Everything was quite an act. Sampai rasa cam gampang. Yes, I know it's good for them to treating customets their way, but could you do it a bit less more obvious that you're acting?

It's like she was making a fool out of herself. Kesian die. Kalau rasa senyum tak ikhlas tu sudah lah.

Kesian, kesian. Orang Jepun ni memang pelik-pelik. Cacat betoi.





But what makes it ironic is that when we had our Malaysian food selling yesterday, we treated our customer just the way they did. LOL!

Anyways, thanks, Malaysians of Gifu! I really had a great time yesterday! :D

Minna Otsukaresama deshita!



P/s : Occasionally, in a relationship. the word 'Someday' means never.


Internet Life #5 - Better Than Porn

Huargh, I'm dealing with some rough nights, I dunno, which made me thinking, what should I do to overcome this feeling? Assholes don't deserve being happy. LOL

Some of the guys might say



"Go watch some porn, dude." moralfags, GTFO



But nahh, I'm gonna have to pass. Bored already with porn. Instead, I'm gonna write something else in my blog. :D

Cause writing a blog when you're at your worst would bring the greatest effect of your talent in writing. And the more you're depressed, the better it gets. Dengan syarat, benda yang ditulis itu adalah perkara tidak berfaedah seperti buat orang marah, kutuk-kutuk orang then pakai ayat sarkastik, dan pornografi.

Sebab syaitan suke berada di sebelah manusia yang tengah vulnerable. Lagi-lagi manusia yang alpa. Yang dah lupe and dah tak boleh bezakan benda baik benda jahat. So syaitan akan menghasut dengan kuasa mereka untuk kasi penulis-penulis blog macam aku ni dapat idea yang best untuk ditulis yang langsung tidak berfaedah. Pastu pembacanya pulak adalah korang. Feeling ashamed enough? LOL

Nah, let's skip this part.

You know what? There's other things which is really better than porn. Yes, there are. When you're used to porn, ataupon kalau korang tak sanggup tengok porn, there's other things that are more enjoyable to watch even though it's kinda... Hurm..

What is it?

Things that are disturbing, things that would freak your mind out, and things that would make you throw up in your mouth and swallow it.

Yes, I'm talking about all that disgusting images and videos of shit and all. Would you want me to post 'em pictures in here, too?

No, I won't do that! My blog has its own boundaries and you of all people do not have the right to request something I wouldn't do.

Nah, I kid. Well, you guys already know it, right? Mesti dah banyak kali tengok orang kena tag dengan gambar-gambar yang menggelikan kat facebook. Kena potong la ape la, darah-darah sume, mayat, bla3 and shits. And even though you said it's disgusting, deep down your heart you'd say


"Oohhh, WOW! This is so much better than porn! In fact, aku tak dapat dosa pon tengok images jijik macam ni!"



Well, I admit, some of you wouldn't really like those shits for real. And some of you would be like freaking out a bit. Tapi, takpe, mula-mula memang susah, nanti lama-lama biasa la. Trust me. :)

Fuck, I'm a freak. Yeah, I know.

There's so many links that I wanna put here. But uh, I don't know, it's just don't feel right, sharing this in my blog.

But just for the record, this might be slowpoke for some of you guys, but I'll just gonna leave this here, KTHXBAI.

Takde benda-benda terkejut, jangan risau, just a test for you guys to see whether you're offended or not.

Try it!



CLICK THIS SHIT -----> OFFENDED




Once again.

Were you offended by what you just saw? Teehee :">






P/s : Level 25.

Credit to Chap for the idea.

Sexist #9 - What, You Think You're Gonna Win?


THIS ENTRY IS 100% SARCASTIC, SERIOUSLY I'M BORED




Been browsing through Facebook and stuffs and one thing just caught my attention.

Status updated from a girl friend, stating out



"Lelaki pandang rupa. jadi tak salah kot perempuan pandang duit kan. (●^ー^●)"



Yeap, with those cute-but-you-know-they're-serious smileys.

And I was taken by surprise that actually until now, there were almost like 20++ person on Facebook has clicked the 'Like' button on that status. Ramai gila setuju! And around 5 person among them were boys! Shit apa ni?

Which made me feel kinda odd, for what have this world turn us men into? Where's our pride? We can't let those wimmenz-alienz outnumbering us!

God damn it, know your place, would you not?




And all I think of today, is about to be written on this shit entry of bashing those little cute women who think that they're gonna feel happy about that statement. No, you don't.

Well, c'mon, here me out, fellas!

Along with the developments and the highly improved living standards of us humans in this earth nowadays, we do admit that women are really productive on influencing the world's economy, politics, and social as we see it right now.

And when we look back in the history, we get what? Wimmenz aren't actually that good like today. All they do in the past were only to support their husbands, making dishes for their family, and taking care of them, too. On the other hand, we, the Men were only obliged to get into business and finding jobs, just to feed our family, yet we provide all the money to our wives to spend wisely because we were too busy working them.

One thing for sure, women should never get out of the kitchen, and they should go on providing limitless sandwiches for us guys! That is why God sent you ladies for us Men! That's your true purpose!





But little by little, those wimmenz tend to realize like


"What the fuck am I doing? This is boring!"



And hey, they actually demand for a gender equality to the world.

It might have been quite a big of a surprise for all of the men in the world, knowing that the women that they have been living together were also into that shit. Gender equality? No, dude, that ain't cool. We're the Men, and it's our job to be smarter, cooler, more productive, and more awesome than those wimmenz!



*****ENOUGH*****



But, that was only in the past, so we've all moved on for now, all those gender equality matter felt normal to the global, for we the Men have finally approved for you Women to join us providing each other, and at the same time, being productive to the world as we see it! So let's look into the present. =)

Hurm, let's see...

Lelaki pandang rupe. Hell, yeah we do :"> And we're proud for it! Not a single moment of shame will bar us all upon having that desire. I mean, let's be realistic, which one would you choose if you were given two choice of a girl?

The beautiful one, or the ugly one? And take love matters out of this discussion please, geez. :">

Of course you jackasses would choose the good-looking ones! Dontcha fukken lie to me!

But, just ignore the fact that Women are just too talkative to deal with. Or you ladies would end up just like these 30% of the Women killed in the world. /sarcasm




And I don't wanna sound gay or anything but, uh.. You ladies have fought with all your might and strength for your demanding of gender equality all this past years. And we guys were cool with that. And what now? You think that it's okay for demanding a guy with deep pockets of money?

Geez, I already told you, approving that gender equality is one helluva big mistake that we Men have done! Look what they have become?

Bagi betis nak peha, bagi peha nak cock.

Oh BTW, just for the record, women drivers suck!




And I'd say, nahh, it's okay for them to judge a guy from their money. Because, I'm not serious in writing this entry anyway! HAHA

But the idea of them having requests yang dorang sume tu pon sebenarnya mampu je nak cari duit sendiri dengan banyak-banyak?

I mean, look at these Wimmenz nowadays, they get the chance to study good education, they get the chance to have a highly professional career, too! Jadi dorang pon boleh la dapat duit banyak-banyak! And what did they say?



"Lelaki pandang rupa. jadi tak salah kot perempuan pandang duit kan. (●^ー^●)"



Yet they already have bright futures but still putting on a demand of rich lovers. WTF?

You Wimmenz have the ability to provide now. You're just equal to us Men anyways these days. Heck, in some cases, you're better than us, too! We guys would never demand anything in return for your gender equality matter, but you're just gonna blackmail us with all of this shit? OH LAWD.

And just to be clear, I'd say.


"Lelaki pandang rupa. jadi tak salah kot perempuan pandang duit kan. And tak salah jugak lelaki pandang duit jugak balik. 'Cause nowadays, you Women are rich, too! So we get to demand both looks and money, while you get to demand only our money! BAHAHAHAHHAH AHAHAH AHHA IN YOUR FACE, LOSERS! (●^ー^●)"



Yeap, still keeping that cute-but-you-know-we're-serious Smiley =)

You wanna be realistic? Now that's my realistic opinion! :D

And what, you want us guys to be fair? Hell no! We can never let you Wimmenz win! That's our purpose in life. If a guys duels with a women, I'd go for the guy, of course. =)))

Haha I actually just kid guys. You know you're doing it wrong when you know it's wrong. But still,




Nah, I'm just having fun writing this entry anyway, it would be a shame if I were to have such mentality like this :"> SO you win girls.

For those who don't get it, rants and maki hamun below. And aku reply awal-awal. Ada dua choice aku leh bagi..


This.




Or giving a bitch slap just for my satisfaction is cool, too :)







P/s : If you know someone is already taken, please RESPECT their relationship. Don't be the reason they end up single.