Gettin Really Tired of Your Shit, Danny

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It's never too late to start over. Regrets are for pussies. No matter what lies ahead, it's never too late for you to make up for what you've done in the past. Never too late, unless you're brain-dead, living off the life-support machine. Then it IS too late. You can start regretting anything that comes to mind at that time. Not that you have control of your mind at that time. You're on your own, nigga *flies away*.

Well, jauh nyimpang dah ni.

Aight, let's start with a story.

******

'twas 27th May. The date of which Danny's been waiting for the whole month. The Pay Day. He called up Larry, his best buddy inviting him for a drink at a stall nearby.
"Wei minum, aku payung kau"

Larry, being a cheap mothafucka, had no objection at all. All he thought at that time was, what should he ordered.

The usual Larry would never be on time for anything. Meetings, datelines, reports were never completed on time. Semayang jangan cakap la. But this time it's different. He was way ahead of Danny, the clockwork. He arrived exactly 13 minutes earlier than the agreed time. So he sat at one of the empty table.

He waited anxiously, his thoughts completely in a tornado state, because he was starving.

Danny arrived 20 minutes after. He got caught in a traffic jam. A car rammed the lorry in front of it. At least that was what Danny saw.

He shook Larry's hand. Then he sat on the chair opposite of Larry's.

The waiter came, and took a shitload of orders. They were all Larry's.

Danny started the conversation by asking Larry's current predicament. They both exchange stories about what's really happening in their lives. Nothing serious in particular. The topics were boring. In fact, the topics should be considered as useless junks you keep getting in your email inbox. They served only two purpose, keeping you occupied and filling up the space.

But the night is young. Danny pulled out a box of ciggarette from his left pocket. He took one cig, and light it up.



Confession of A Grammar Nazi

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“Grandpa, why is your left eye blind?” Danny asked.

“Oh my dear, this here is the proof that I survived the war. That time, I was busy tending to my injured comrades. Then, came this Nazi guy from my behind. He had his bayonet aimed at my face. I turned around, and just saw a glimpse of him stabbing my face” he replied.

“Whoa, what happened then?” Danny seemed really interested in the story.

“I was hurting all over. I could feel blood flowing all over my face. He tried to stab me one more time to finish me off. Phew, with luck, he was shot by my friend whom had just arrived. But I did hear he said something before he was shot” said Grandpa with a dead serious face.

“What did he say?” he asked innocently.

“I bet you did Nazi this coming, eh”


Grandpa laughed hysterically.


******


Y’know, my family was never the kind of family where English was practiced. Hell, English was such a foreign language there, the first English word I said out loud was ‘Wash’ and I didn’t even pronounced it correctly at that time.

I said, “Ayah, ni baju adik nak basuh ni kena pusing dekat W-E-S-H ke?”

My whole family laughed and the incident will never be forgotten every time there’s a family reunion.

I was so bad at English, all I remembered from my childhood memories was that I was being laughed at.

Tapi tu dulu.

Maybe all those insults and perli got in deep within me. I swore that I would never make mistakes. Being so intense in redeeming myself, I got into this obsessive-compulsive disorder, where I couldn’t tolerate any mistake done by myself or anyone else.

I remember this one time; I saw a banner saying “UNDILAJ BARISAN NASIONAL”

I was so enraged and was like,



******

Time went by, and my OCD cooled down, but I still couldn’t tolerate few things.

Aha. I’ve got a list here. Here it goes.

1.       Misconception of ‘literally’ and ‘figuratively’

a.       Dude, seriously. I literally got my ass kicked.

b.      I figuratively got my ass kicked. See? No? Well just omit ‘em.


2.       Usage of ‘to’ and ‘too’

a.       This is to much, sayang.

b.       I’m headed too KL Sentral.


3.       Usage of ‘I’m’ and ‘I’

a.       I’m love you.

b.      I missing you.


4.       Usage of ‘affect’ and ‘effect’

a.       Tell me how this one setback will effect our company.

b.      Tell him that that setback was just the side affect of what will come next.

C’mon people, I’m not saying that I’m perfect. I’m just stating the fact that people won’t take you seriously if yu kenot speel korekly. I don’t see any problem if you wanna write in any language you want, but it seems to me that you might need to reconsider your words if they are used for official matters.

Well, I gotta tell you this. The key to a good English essay is not lavish vocabulary you have in there, son. It is simplicity. You gotta keep it simple.


p/s : I can count to potato.

Toilet Paper #4 - Mengail

I'm not a big fan


I Am Not That Kind Of Guy #1

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Shit Cover #22 - Love In The Ice [Tohoshinki]

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I'M SORRY PAM, I HAD TO UPDATE XD XD LOLOL





Well, guys, you heard of the famous band right. Tohoshinki. I'm sure you girls would definitely wet your pants by just looking at their cool hairstyles, with such unbelievably beautiful faces as a guy [Yes, this is me exaggerating], and awesome dances where they tayang-tayang their nipple and stuffs.

I know, right.

Well, I'd feel even more better if you wet your pants hearing me doing a cover of one of their songs, too. You know, at least I feel good, because if you wet your pants today, I'd really thank you for that compliment LOL


P/s : Midterm's coming up! HMMMMMM

AUTHOR : ZED RADZAI


Sexist #15 - Nice Guys Listen Up

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You hear it all the time

"He was such a NICE guy, and she's such a heartless bitch for dumping him."

I hear all kinds of fuckery from self-professed Nice Guys, *heck, even from me back then* complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the Nice Guy, have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is similar to the false logic that

"Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

No.

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is you. Fucking think carefully about it, will ya?

So, what's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most of them fuckers are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and yes I know this is really sad to hear - to gain attention. Yes, they are really into all of that craps rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he suddenly gets into you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys have massive insecurities upon themselves - a big red carpet for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" - just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. "Users" never take Nice Guys seriously. They stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on, as long as they take the benefit out of that sucker. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being so horrible, when the so-often kind of women that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life.

Self confident, caring, decent-hearted women find Nice Guys to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go extreme and obsessive. They bring roses to a Let's-Get-Together-For-A-Coffee date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come on too strong, too had, or too fast. OR, they are so shy and having the lack of confidence, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someday, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a date.

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place of their desire on a support. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and depending on a support from a women is narrow, confining places to be - not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be the "ONE" with her for fear that she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy. Because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equal, but it puts an unfair responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need, and expect. They fear any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of compromising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that

"Everything I did, I did it for her." *And yes, I used to complain a LOT about this one. Fuck me.*

As if this somehow honours them to the status of "pejuang". A woman doesn't want a "pejuang". She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that

"No one will ever love her as much as I do."

Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is similar to saying to her that

"You are a difficult person, and only I can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here, you fucking whore."

The Nice Guy need to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousy and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue.

But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can, and do, love many people in our lives, and romance is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is

"Who would want to go out with someone who was unlovable anyways?"

And then, more than loving the women in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her.

"She is my life, my only source of happiness..."

"I need you, Atin. I could never live without you." <-- Hoyeah, this is me, 18 months ago.

YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip and stop being such a pussy, you fucking douche bag.

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with problems, depressions, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy think that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice.

Aaaaaannnd yes, he is usually disappointed by the results. Because it doesn't work that way. You "help" a women today, tomorrow, another Nice Guy "help" her to get her out from your life. And the circle continues.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like/hate themselves. In order to truly love someone else, you have to learn to love yourself first. Too often Nice Guys' mistake obsession for "love".

Get this, Nice Guys :

INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. Just be a normal "asshole", in a way that normal "bitches" would actually be attracted to. You just have to appreciate yourself even more. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of women with whom a long term relationship is possible.

TL;DR huh?

Stop being such a clingy fag. Be yourself, care for her, but don't lay it on too thick [unless you're in the bedroom having sex] or she'll leave you for me.



P/s : Be a nice guy later. Right now you have to be an asshole to score chicks.


Source of idea and writings : An info thread from /b/. I won't post the link here, because the thread's already been deleted.

AUTHOR : ZED RADZAI


Sexist #14 - Sexual Fantasies



'Sup guys, I'm just chilling in a jacuzzi.



*******


A sexual fantasy, also called an erotic fantasy, is a fantasy or pattern of thoughts with the effect of creating and enhancing sexual feelings.

Now everybody who's normal would normally have had their own sexual fantasies before. Yeah, guys, no matter how of a moralfag or how religious the person is, it's completely in our nature as human beings to have fantasies where we have sex with another person of the opposite sex, or even fantasies fucking with a dog, or an octopus.



Hmm, that kinda freaks me out at first. But yes, this, as a matter of fact, is true.

But lemme get to the point of the difference between guys and girls.

Like me, I like to talk about sex a lot in this blog. But that doesn't mean I'm always having this conversation with people in the real world. I have my own fantasy as a guy, and I do watch porn for once in a while.

You see, guys, for men, I dunno if you watch porn or not, but to be realistic, nowadays, it is considered normal to watch porn for guys. Unless, he's too ashamed to admit he watches them, or he lies about it. But I'd like to assume that all guys get horny at certain times. And as a solution for not being able to have sex at the moment, we watch porn and masturbate to it.



As simple as that. I'm not trying to sound gay or anything here, but hey, this happens, okay. I'm talking about the real world here. At least it's better than fucking some one else and having them pregnant and not being responsible for it.

But as for a women, it is considered weird to have the need to watch porn whenever they get horny. In fact, I also don't know whether you girls actually watch porn or not.

Geez, SERIOUSLY GIRLS, DON'T YOU WATCH PORN? Ke you all rahsia-rahsia? Shit, I've been thinking about that since I was 15. But they do have porn for women, yenno.


Happy Caturdays, everyone.


I don't quite understand of how women think when they get horny and all, but all I can say is, women tend to get emotionally attached to everything, even to things like this.

All they wish to have is having a calm environment where they'd like to spend it with their lovers, and that being said, it's all about being gooey and romantic.

If guys are able to have a hard on to watching porn, girls are able to get themselves "wet" just by reading.... A romantic novel. Yes, especially at those scenes where it all get super sensual and it's like the romance element that's in the air is equivalent to how much fluid would they wet their panties.

Because it stimulates their mind of having sexual fantasies and enjoying every moment of it as if they were actually being the character itself in the novel with their respective lovers.


I like to post random pictures


I know some of you ladies will deny this shit. But I have references, okay. Yeah, you gave me the idea to write this trash. I know you're reading my piece of crap.

Now us guys don't get it. Why the fuck would you ladies enjoy reading craps like that just to get horny? There's so much effort to do and it's so troublesome. I mean, when I get horny, I just click and click and click my mouse and at some point, I don't click my mouse anymore, because my hand's busy with something else. You know what I mean.



I guess, maybe women enjoy the continuous romance, while guys only wanna cum. LOL But that doesn't make us guys animals, okay. Everyone have emotions.

And by me saying all of this crap everyone knows about, that doesn't mean that everyone of us guys want you girls to join us watch porn and stuff.

We don't want girls who enjoy being a slut like all the time.

We also don't want girls who are too naive and being all "THIS IS WRONGGGG!" and shits.

And I know, you ladies would certainly go for

"It's just.. I don't wanna be perceived as a bimbo. :("

No, I don't want you to be a bimbo, either. You have to be both. You have to be two people at the same time. The saint, and the sinner. The librarian.... And the stripper.

On one hand, you have to push the guy away with the cold and being all cool and in denial. On the other hand, you have to be a sexually teasing tornado.

With that being said, I have no other things to say to you ladies. If you think yourselves being too innocent, try slutting up a bit. Or if the element of a whore is already inside you, try pushing it down and get those images of a nice, sweet girl in yourself so that the guys would not only be crazy about you, but they could also be like enjoying their time with you. Not in a sexually way only, but also in a normal human relationship way between a boy and a girl.

Who knows, when you got married, you could try this shit out. It's in every guys dream to the idea of having their own personal sex slave, not in a cruel way, but just for being fun once in a while, so why not try act like one? Nanti-nanti la, takyah la sekarang.

It's all about keeping it steady. Remember, the key is 50% slut and 50% naive.

Sigh, I'd love to talk about sex all the time, aren't I?


Okay, okay, I'm stopping.

P/s : Hoyeah, I most certainly am not gonna get a girlfriend with this blog. You're right. =))))

AUTHOR : ZED RADZAI

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